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She nods. “I had a dream about Disneyland. We all went. You, me, Mase and-” she pauses before saying softly, “Mommy.”
I hate that my kids always hesitate before talking about their mother. And I realize that it’s my fault. For the longest time after she died, I couldn’t bear to hear her name. I couldn’t talk about her. It was rough. But after my conversation with Declan the other day, I’ve realized that’s not what I want for my kids. I want them to be able to talk about their mom. I don’t want them to forget.
“Your mom loved Disneyland,” I tell Madison. Her eyes widen when she realizes I’m actually offering up information. Usually, they can only talk to Declan about her like this. “We went there a few times with you and Mase when you were six. We couldn’t go on a lot of rides, though, because you were both so little. Your mom was relieved at that fact because she’s always been scared of roller coasters. Even the kiddie ones.”
Madison giggles. “She was scared of the rides?”
“Oh yeah, terrified. I couldn’t even drag her onto one of them. And you know how persuasive I can be.”
“Very,” Madison agrees. “Do you think I would be scared of the rides?”
“Well, you’ll only know when you get there, right?”
“Does that mean we’re going Disneyland?” she asks excitedly.
I nod. “I think we’re all overdue for a trip. We can go as soon as I’m free.”
“And Uncle Declan?”
I inwardly sigh. “Yes. Even if we don’t invite him, he’ll show up on his own.”
“I want Aunt Lisabell to come along too. And her friend, she seems nice.”
I’m a little worried about my children’s attachment to their babysitter. I’m not sure why they like her so much. Which is why I asked Declan to tell her that she could still keep her job a few days ago. Her friend annoyed me but there’s no need to upset my children.
“I don’t think your nanny would want to come along on a family trip, Mads. As for her friend, you’ve only met her once.”
“Yes, but I like her. She’s super pretty.”
She is.
Juliette. I’ve tried not to think about that name the past few days. But she has a kind of beauty that’s hard to ignore. She stirred something in me.
“Well, they can’t come so you’ll just have to settle for us boys,” I tell her.
She sighs like it’s the worst thing in the world. “Where’s Mase? Why didn’t he wake me up?”
“Your brother had to go get something from the store.”
Her eyes narrow. “What?”
I shrug. “He’ll tell you himself.” I told Mason he could replace his sister’s paint before she even knew something was wrong. I didn’t tell him he wouldn’t have to tell her about it. “Now, go get dressed. You’ve got fourty-five minutes.”
She jumps out of her bed. “I will. After I get some blueberry muffins.”
“Oh, right.” I laugh and rub my neck.
“Daddy,” she warns.
“I lied. There are no muffins.”
Her face falls.
“But,” I quickly say, “I can arrange for there to be some this afternoon when you get back from school. As long as you and your brother get out of this house and to school without being late.”
“We can do that,” Madison says, immediately brightening up.
“I know you can.” I get to my feet and button up my suit. “I have to get to work, sweetheart. I’ll be a little late so your nanny will be here when you get back.”
