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“That’s good,” I say, inhaling softy. “Xander, I’m so sorry. I had no idea he was sick.”
If I had, I never would have agreed to take them swimming.
Xander rubs his hand through his hair in frustration. His muscles are taut and his eyes are alight with some emotion I can’t discern.
“You should have known, Juliette. And even if you didn’t, you should have been watching out for them.”
Hurt prickles me at his words.
“I thought they were safe,” I tell him. “They promised me they could handle it and I decided to trust them.”
“And when Mason was drowning?” he asks while a muscle ticks in his jaw. “Why would you jump into the water like that? You can’t even swim!”
“I wasn’t thinking. I just saw that he was in danger and I wanted to help him.”
“That’s the problem. You weren’t thinking,” he says, through gritted teeth.
“Stop talking to me like I’m a fucking child,” I snap, glaring at him.
“Stop acting like a fucking child!” he snaps back.
My glare intensifies but I’m not going to let him bait me. Whenever Xander gets mad, he has a tendency of saying stupid shit he doesn’t mean. I really don’t have the energy to yell right now. And I get it, he was scared. His son’s life was in danger. I was in danger.
“I’m sorry about what happened. I never should have brought them there,” I tell him.
“You’re supposed to be responsible for them, Juliette. They might not act like it, but Mason and Madison are fucking children. Sometimes I think you forget that.”
“I never forget. I do my best to take care of those kids. And it’s really cruel that you’re yelling at me like this because of one fucking mistake.”
“A mistake that almost ended in me losing my child! I almost lost the both of you. Do you understand that?!” he yells. “Kathy would never let some shit like this happen.“ He continues.
“That’s not fair Xander. Kathy was their fucking mother. She knows them better than I do. I thought they were avid swimmers the way they were commanding that water. But that doesnt mean I wasnt paying attention to them, I was.“
I take a step back. Who is this man in front of me? He’s not the Alexander I know. He’s definitely not the man I’m scared I’m falling in love with.
“I already apologized. This was scary, I know. But if you still can’t let it go, at least for now, then I’m leaving,” I tell him, deciding I can’t stay here any longer.
It’s too much. I’ve been through so fucking much in the past few hours and I just need space to breathe. I need to get out of here.
He catches my wrist and stops me in place. Very slowly, I turn back to look at him.
“Juliette, wait. I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I never should have blamed you like that. I didn’t mean to.”
There’s so much emotion swimming in his brown eyes. Fear, regret.
“Whatever,” I tell him, snatching my hand from his grip. “I’m sorry that happened, Mr. Callahan. I’m the twins’ nanny and I should have taken better care of them. I’ll make sure to do so in the future.
“Don’t say that. You know you’re so much more than that.”
I want so badly to believe him.
“Really?” I ask. “Because it doesn’t feel that way. What am I to you, Xander, really? Am I just your rebound? A way for you to get over your dead wife?” I ask, realizing that was harsh but not really giving a fuck.
“Don’t talk about her that way,” he says, his eyes hardening.
“I can’t talk about her at all. You won’t talk about her! And I’m so sick and tired of feeling like this. I feel like I’ll never be enough. I’m sorry Kathy passed away but you keep holding onto the memory of her so tightly and it’s pushing me out. I can’t keep doing this.” My voice cracks on the last word and I look away as tears well up in my eyes.
I’ve cried too damn much today.
