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And why the hell do you have renters, Laney? That’s what this is all about. You abdicated your responsibility. You let strangers onto the island.
Let them? It wasn’t like I got greedy.
Yes, it was. I wanted to keep this island. I wanted it so bad. The one thing I wanted to keep.
I have given up so much in my life, and for once, I saw the chance to fight back.
I lost my friends, and I told myself it was my fault. I lost my husband, and I told myself I didn’t deserve him. I lost my baby—
Tears sting.
My baby.
I’ve said that I never once regretted giving Madison to Anna, and that is true. I loved my sister, and I wanted her to be happy.
And me? What about me?
I’d felt as if I’d “let myself” get pregnant. I’d gone to a party with a boy when I knew I shouldn’t. I drank when I knew I shouldn’t. I couldn’t even be one hundred percent certain that I hadn’t—in a drugged stupor—consented to sex.
I could not keep my baby. I already wasn’t a good mother. Anna would be. Anna was.
That was the start.I don’t deserve Madison. I’m not good enough for Madison.Then Sadie and Jayla. Then Kit.
I didn’t deserve any of that, however much I wanted it. So I would have this. My island. No one would take it from me.
Was that wrong?
Was it really wrong?
It doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is Madison and Kit and Jayla.
And you?that little voice whispers.What about you?
I don’t answer. I just keep fighting my way through the birds, heading for the hatch in the laundry room. A crow grabs my hair, and I barely notice until it yanks hard enough to make the tears in my eyes spill out. Then I wheel and beat at it, all my anger exploding.
The crow shrieks, and I stop as I see blood on my hand.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m sorry.”
I’m apologizing to a crow. To a damn bird.
Because that bird is real. It’s not some puppet. It’s a real creature that has been drawn into this, and it doesn’t deserve to be hurt, because that isn’t fair.
I give a shit, even about a bird that’s attacking me. I have paid attention to this island. I’ve live-trapped invading mice and released them. I’ve fed a fox that was too injured to hunt. I haven’t fed anything that I shouldn’t because that is as wrong as letting the fox starve.
I promised to look after this island, and I did it to the best of my ability, and this is not fair.
It isnotfair!
None of that matters. I’m not facing a person. I’m not even facing an evil entity. I know that. Whatever this spirit is, it goes beyond good or evil. It isabovegood and evil. It is nature, and its justice is blind. I broke my word, and this is my punishment.
I fumble with the lock as the crows beat and peck at me. Blood drips from my scalp and my face and my hands and my arms.
Keep going.
Just get the hatch—
A hand grabs my upper arm.
