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In middle school, Sadie read a bicycle-repair manual to sabotage Jimmy’s prize BMX bike when he cheated on her. And she used an industrial magnet on Bianca’s laptop, because she’s the one he cheated with. We thought it was hilarious at the time. Harmless pranks, like when Kit and I put tape on the wheels of all the computer mice in the lab. Or when we stuckUSE OTHER DOORsigns onallthe school entrances.
Now I realize, in the case of Jimmy’s bike, it was pure luck that he didn’t get hurt.
“The boats, maybe,” I say. “Even the stagings, if she managed to get the security codes from Kit and snuck out here. But Nate?” I shake my head. “That goes too far.” I shake it harder. “No, itallgoes too far.”
“I think she set up that profile for me,” Jayla says.
I frown, and then remember what she’d been saying last night. “The dating profile?”
She nods. “She’s the one who warned me about it. She called, all hesitant and apologetic and ‘I hate to bring this up, but you should know.’ She said someone from our high school friend group found it.”
“And she saidIdid it?”
“Oh, you know Sadie. She’s never that obvious. I looked at the profile and… I wanted to be sick. Here I was, trying to come out of the closet, and someone posted a straight dating profile for me on a hookup site with photos that…” Her jaw flexes. “Me in a bikini. Me eating… a hot dog. I know it sounds silly. I wasn’t naked or anything.”
“They were private photos, ones that suggested you were looking for a hetero hookup.”
She nods. “I was humiliated and freaking out, and you know what happens when I get upset like that. I lash out. I called Sadie back, ranting about who the hell would do that, blaming this person and that person. Not that I ever have a shortage of enemies. She asked how you and I were getting along. That was just after we…” She shrugs. “You know.”
“Went on an actual date, and it was horrible and awkward and weird?”
“Yeah. After that horrible, awkward weirdness, we weren’t exactly hanging out, but you had teachers-college admissions and I had law school admissions, so we were able to pretend we were just terribly busy.”
When I don’t answer, she says, “Fine.Iwas able to pretend I was terribly busy. The truth is…” She throws up her hands. “I was flailing, Laney. Still figuring it all out. Did I like girls? Did I like both? Did I like anyone? It was always so easy for you. Everyone thought you’d be the one I could talk to about it, and I couldn’t. Instead, we decided to try dating, and that was an unmitigated disaster.”
“Back up,” I say. “You felt like you couldn’t talk to me about your sexuality? Did I do something wrong?”
“Yes. Yes, you did. You were Laney. You knew you were bi in fuckingmiddleschool. Your parents never batted an eye when you told them. How could I tell you that I was struggling? That my parents are amazing, but this isn’t what they wanted for me? That I wasn’t sure it’s whatIwanted for me?”
“I’m sorry if—”
“Oh, I know it wasn’t all peaches and cream for you. I was there. I heard what kids said. I saw you struggle—the guy who dumped you because he didn’t think he’d be ‘enough,’ the girl you liked who thought you were a curious straight girl and reamed you out for it. But even when things weren’t easy, you didn’t have a moment ofself-doubt. I wasalldoubt and questions, and I didn’t think you’d understand.”
“I’m sorry you felt that way. I’m sorry if I seemed like I wouldn’t have listened or would have pushed you into making a decision.”
“You wouldn’t have. It was just… Indecision doesn’t suit me. I was embarrassed and I hated that. So when Sadie called, I blurted it all out. Not my tale of lesbian woe, but how you and I tried going out and how it was awkward and I’d been avoiding you. She was… Well, she was Sadie.”
Easy to talk to. A genuinely good listener. The kind of friend who, long after you’ve written them off and declared them untrustworthy, you still find yourself taking their calls and even sending them the occasional touching-base text.
“And she suggested I might have set up that dating profile for you,” I say. “Not to be cruel. Just good old Laney goofing around. Maybe needling you a little. I’m a practical joker, and I don’t always know when to quit.” I glance over. “Close?”
“Yeah. She asked who could have had those photos. They were from when my parents took you and me to Costa Rica after grad.”
“So it looked like I put them up. Except we’d shared our vacation photos with Sadie, whose parents wouldn’t let her go.”
She nods. “Without ever actually accusing you, she convinced me it was you, and that hurt. It hurt so damn much, and now I look back and wonder whether it wassupposedto hurt. A double whammy. Maybe Sadie didn’t just put up that profile to be a bitch but to drive a wedge between us. More revenge for…” She shrugs. “You know. Siding with you. When… it happened.”
Whenithappened. The thing we don’t talk about.
I tense before rolling it off.
She continues, “Hell,everyonesided with you. They knew who was telling the truth. What Sadie did? Picking him over you? Making you feel—” She takes deep breaths. “See? Even now I am furious on your behalf. It broughtuscloser together and droveheraway.”
“You think the profile was revenge? Intended to break up our friendship. If so, it worked.”
Now she’s the one flinching. “I’m sorry, Laney.”
“Whether it was Sadie or not, it absolutely wasn’t me. I knew you were struggling, and posting that profile would be a spectacularly shitty thing to do. There’s no practical joke there. It’s cruel, and I would have hoped you’d know better.”
