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What were you wearing?
Are you sure you weren’t flattered by his attention? An older boy? Good looking and popular? What would a boy like that see in a fifteen-year-old—?
Stop. Just stop.
I continue, “It really did seem like he was just being nice. Taking me along to a party as his guest—his sister’s friend. We got there, andit was… a lot. The one time Garrett stepped away from me, two guys swooped in. He yelled at them, said I was just a kid, and stuck by my side after that.”
“Like you’d expect if he’d brought you along to be nice,” Madison says. “Not creepy.”
“He wasn’t creepy. At all. He hung out with me, and talked to me. I had a beer and then something stronger. Punch that packed a real punch.”
Which he gave me. Convinced me to try it. Didn’t mention how potent it was or tell me to slow down when I slammed it back.
I don’t say that. I am walking a fine line here. I always expected, when this came out, that I could just pretend I’d been young and stupid and slept with my friend’s older brother. I didn’t see the dangers in keeping that part of Garrett from Madison. Now I do, but I will still proceed with caution.
I pluck at the pillow. “And that’s pretty much the story. I had too much punch, and I woke up in a bed with Garrett.”
“You blacked out?”
“I wasn’t used to hard liquor. Gran and Gramps let me have a sip when I started getting curious but…” I quirk a smile. “… they made sure I had the kind that made me decide I was in no rush to drink more.”
“Mom did the same to me,” Madison says. “Gave me a half shot of whiskey.”
“It’s a valid strategy. But it also means that whatever was in that punch didn’t taste like booze to me, so I had too much.”
“And he had sex with you after you passed out?”
“No, no.”I don’t think so, at least.“I must have passed out later. I was just too drunk to remember anything.”
“And too drunk to consent. Which he must have known. He was nineteen, and he took a kid younger than me to a party, helped her to get drunk, and had sex with her.”
I let it stand at that. There are nuances, including the suspicion that Garrett spiked my drink with more than booze, but this is enough for her to never get into any dangerous situations with him.
I won’t tell her how I woke up, panicked, and found him sitting there, completely chill, as if we’d had consensual sex. How he’d said we could keep hooking up but warned it had to be a secret, because people wouldn’t understand. How I’d run into the toilet and puked, and he’d acted like it was just the booze. Acted like nothing had happened… right up until I insisted on getting myself home, and he realized something was wrong and told me I’d enjoyed it. He didn’t insist I consented or hadn’t been “that” drunk. Nothing like that. Just that I enjoyed myself.
“You had fun. You liked it. Remember that.”
He’d done nothing wrong—that’s what he’d been saying, and if I didn’t get the message clear enough?
“You tell anyone, and it’ll be my word against yours. Everyone knows you’re a slut. You can’t even pick a side. You like it all.”
A slut.
Bisexual, he meant, which clearly translated to slut, even if—at barely fifteen—I’d never gone beyond kissing.
Had I really thought I could get away with only telling Madison that I’d been young? Pretending Garrett was just some guy I hooked up with? Trusting him around her and her friends if he wanted to be part of her life?
“So that’s it,” I say.
Jayla clears her throat, and when I look over, she shakes her head.
“She needs to know the fallout,” Jayla says. “Sadie and Garrett are sure as hell going to give their version.”
“Sadie didn’t believe you, right?” Madison says. “When you accused Garrett, he denied it, and Sadie sided with him.”
“I didn’t accuse him. Or I tried not to. Afterward, I told Jayla, who convinced me to talk to my sister—your mom. They said they’d support whatever I wanted, and I wanted to drop it. There was nothingto be gained by going through with an accusation. And there was no reason to… until there was.”
“You were pregnant, and he was the father, and you didn’t want anyone acting like you’d knowingly slept with him.”
