AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“For what? You can do no wrong, Clawdia.” I stood up to get away from her as small resentments came bubbling to the surface and flooded out before I could stop them. “I’ll love you even if you throw a bowl at my head and wish for my death. I’d lie on the floor bleeding, loving you, and hope my end gave you what you needed.”
“I would never—“ She shook her head and blinked rapidly. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Do you believe I do not love you with the same amount of devotion?”
I crossed my arms. “You have other males to consider.”
“So this is about jealousy?” Her voice rose as she matched my anger.
Why am I saying any of this? I’m not jealous.
“No.” I sighed, covered my face, and took a deep breath, attempting to calm myself.
“Then what is this? I know you were disappointed with me—“ Her voice broke, and she swallowed. “—but I didn’t think you were so angry that you’d believe I don’t love you.”
I shook my head but still couldn’t look at her as I began pacing. “I’m so angry. I’m so angry about everything. Not you. I-I am becoming a worse version of myself. I’m losing control, and you will see.”
“I will see what?”
“I try every day to be calm and collected. Someone you can rely on. I let you down when we were in the cave. I fell into my memories and dreams as our bond was formed. But I try.”
“Of course you do. I never—“
“I want to be someone who gives you peace. The kind of peace you gave me the moment I saw you, the moment I recognized the missing part of my soul.”
“You do. Zaide, I’m sorry if what I said made you feel—“
“If I cannot give you peace, if I cannot keep you happy as a human, if I cannot get along with your other soul bonds, I am useless to you. Isn’t that true?” I stopped dead and stared at her, panting.
“No.” She grasped my hands and repeated firmly, “No.”
“I cannot offer you my concerns or worries because I am holding yours,” I told her, and her frown deepened. “I temper Charlie’s behavior, and he helps support me so we can support you.”
She dropped my hands and sighed. “Then you have a partnership with Charlie and not one with me.”
“You are not to worry, not to fear. You have had enough of that already.” I sat back down at the base of the tree.
“And you don’t?” She paused, watching me as I picked at the grass. “You told me you wanted a family. You want people who will never leave you. Who love you unconditionally. You want back what you lost.”
“Yes.”
“Families protect one another, yes, but families support each other. You are letting Charlie support you but not me? How am I supposed to feel about that? Do you not trust me?”
My head snapped up, and I glared. “Do you trust me? You left and didn’t wake me. Didn’t trust me to keep you safe as you stood against him.”
“That wasn’t about trust. That was about an akari seer making me believe that if anyone came with me, they would be killed.”
Logically, I knew that already. But evidently, I couldn’t stop myself from spewing all my repressed emotions.
She kneeled in front of me and placed a hand on my knee. “I don’t understand where this has come from. We are going around in circles. Please. I want to help us both. Can you explain what’s going on in your head?”
“I’m … angry.”
“I see that. Is this about Daithi’s vision?” she asked.
“In part,” I admitted. “I feel … useless. I’m awaiting this fate with no plan or hope. I lie awake all night thinking about how the council does not plan to do anything about the hunters and how they have still not found Fafnir. How Sigurd seems uninterested in taking up his role and ending him. All of which I cannot do anything to assist with. So when you explained your fears about Baelen and I saw his behavior, I thought I should try to work out the reason why.”
“You believe me about Baelen?” She smiled, and hope filled her eyes.
I nodded. “He was cruel.”
