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“Of course you do,” Lorelai snaps. “It’s easy for one naga to believe in another.”
I want to tell her that I care about humans. I believe in fighting for their dignity against the monstrosities done to them. But do I deserve to say that?
One of the things I admire in her, that makes me want to take her as mine, is her independence. She isn’t bound by loyalty and duty. She makes her own judgments, even harsh ones. I have something to learn from her there.
“Zalith will eliminate the cruelties of Kriseri’s kingdom.”
“I’m sure he’ll make things better,” she replies coldly. “Better enough to calm his own cold-blooded conscience. But I don’t want things to just be a little better. I want justice.”
There’s more than the desire for justice in her words, though. There’s anger. This is a woman who has been hurt deeply. That’s the other side of independence. Your anger and your resentment are set free with you, and the only one who can keep them in check is you.
“I believe that humans deserve justice.”
“I believe that you and Zalith are monsters, just like Kriseri!”
The words startle me. They seem to startle her as she says them, too. Does she really believe that, or was it just something that it felt right to say?
We sit in silence for a while. I want to fight back, to defend the honor of Zalith. But I can tell it wouldn’t do any good, and I care too much about her to throw myself into pointless arguments like that.
“I can’t change what you think of me,” I say finally. “Except by showing you who I am. We have a common enemy. Whatever you think of Zalith, I hope you wouldn’t refuse an ally against Kriseri.”
“Is that the mission you’ve been sent here on?” she asks. “To fight Kriseri?”
“There are reasons to believe that Kriseri may be preparing for war against my territory. My job was to determine his strengths and weaknesses as best I could. If I can find a weakness to exploit against him, of course, it is my duty to make use of it.”
“Would you kill him if you could?”
It’s a difficult question to answer. My loyalty is to Zalith, and as war between them becomes more and more certain, that would include taking his life. But as a warrior, I’ve also been brought up with a loyalty towards the whole of the royal hierarchy, even Kriseri. If there is another way to eliminate him as a threat, I would prefer it.
“I would kill him if I had to,” I say finally.
She looks disappointed. “Of course. Your view of justice only goes so far as stopping people from oppressing us. Never punishing them for what they’ve done.”
Once again, her fierce moral clarity and certainty in her own judgment fascinate me. The King certainly has done profound injustices in this land for years. Maybe she’s right that he deserves more than to be simply toppled.
Then again, am I the one to bring it about?
“I believe that Zalith will change things,” I say. “I think he’ll make things better.”
But it is a matter of belief, isn’t it? After all, humans suffer in Lodra too. Not the way they do here, and Zalith is sensitive to it. He says he will change things once he has the power to. And I believe him. But would I believe him anyway?
“If he doesn’t, he deserves death just as much as Kriseri,” Lorelai answers.
For a moment, rage runs through my body. I want to challenge her, even though I’m severely wounded. But I let the anger pass.
She has a right to say that,I decide.She is loyal to humans, not to princes. And if Zalith were no better than Kriseri, she would be absolutely right to strike him down.
But he isn’t. And he won’t be. Rory won’t let him. I won’t let him.
“Maybe it would be better if we focused on Kriseri,” I say. “It seems like he’s the one we agree on.”
Lorelai grows quiet, and for a moment, I find myself wondering if she’s serious about wanting to harm Zalith. I admire her tenacity, and even without knowing the more intimate details of her story, I can understand her rage at the world and her desire to right the wrongs done to her.
What I cannot understand, however, is how she plans to do it. It’s not a matter of being a woman or being human. It is a matter of being only one person against an entire race, an entire planet. Surely she can’t believe that she could single-handedly topple an entire royal hierarchy across territories spanning hundreds of miles, much less survive for long enough to continue on her tirade?
I pull myself from my thoughts to find Lorelai looking at me. Something in her gaze feels heavy and weighing. The silence between us is deafening, but I feel it the moment the tension breaks. She’s decided something, but whatever it is, she won’t share it with me.
With that, she starts to check over my wounds and to replace the bandages with fresh ones. It’s a strangely intimate activity, an act of acceptance in some ways.
