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“Oh, God.” I was such an asshole. “I didn’t mean it like that. I was scared—“
Her cheeks burned red and her voice rose. “You thought the moment your back was turned that I snuck some guy into your house? With Kody there? Does that make any sense? Do you think so little of me?”
“No. It sounds really, really dumb.”
She threw up her hands in disgust. “I don’t even get it, Bash. Where the fuck did you get that idea? I haven’t been with another man since Vegas. I never gave you any reasons to doubt me.”
We needed to get this all out in the open, but it was going to be painful to admit how horrible I was. “It was my neighbor. She came over after the accident and told me she saw you talking to some suspicious-looking guy right before Kody’s accident. He even parked down the street. When she described him — he sounded just like that Liam guy from the pier.”
Her brow creased. “The security guy? I talked to him for about two minutes. Some guy rang the doorbell, trying to sell home security systems because there were some burglaries in the neighborhood. You thought that was Liam?”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “No. Yes. I don’t know. I was insecure about that guy, Liam. He seemed really familiar with you and you were pretty evasive about who he was. I don’t know, Lacey. I was jealous! I’ve never felt that way before and then Mrs. Travis told me you were with some guy that you never mentioned after the accident.”
She shook her head. “That just proves how little you trust me.”
I took a seat near hers, my chair slightly turned in her direction. “Look, I don’t blame you for Kody’s accident. Before it ever happened, I caught him standing up on that table several times. Under my own supervision. And I understand that throwing the blame on you was a horrible thing to do. I used his accident as an excuse to throw everything away because I was so scared of what was happening between us. Even though I wanted it so badly, I was too scared to admit it to myself. I knew that you were too good for me. It was a weird protective mechanism.”
She sighed softly. “That’s a very convoluted explanation.”
I rested my head in my hands. “I know. It makes much more sense in my head.”
She shook her head bitterly. “I just don’t get it. Everything was going so well. I thought you were happy with us?”
Glancing up, I looked her directly in the eyes. “I was insanely happy when we were together. And I don’t mean just the sex, but when we spent time together. But I was insecure about our time apart. I wasn’t sure why you were even with me. You’ve got it all together. I’m a suburban dad. Why would you bother with me — outside of the fantastic sex? What did I have to offer?”
“Bash, that’s just insane—“
I wanted to get it all out there. “I fell in love with you, Lacey. That’s something I’ve never felt before. And you kept reminding me it was just friends-with-benefits, but I wanted so much more. I tried to express my feelings for you, in my own shit way. I just didn’t do a very good job of it. Talking about my emotions isn’t exactly my best skill, as you can see.”
Lacey stood up and walked over to the window, and peered out at the city.
I groaned softly. “My grand gesture is turning into a grand flop.”
She turned to me with a half-smile. “I heard there was going to be a flash mob?”
“Kaylie told you?”
She turned her back to the window. “Vaguely.”
I pulled out my phone. “Would that work? I’d have a flash mob out on the street in front of this building in five minutes flat if you told me that would give me another chance.”
She shook her head, and we both lapsed into silence for a few minutes.
“We were both pretty terrible at communicating. I held back some things, too,” she admitted.
“Like what?”
She crossed back to her chair and sat with her body facing me. “How I felt about us, what I wanted for the future, my past relationship with Liam.”
“Is there any hope for us?” My gaze implored her to tell me that there was still a chance for us.
“I don’t know,” was her soft reply.
Desperation crept in, so I decided to lay it all on the line. “I love you, Lacey. I want to be with you. I’ll do whatever you want if you give me another chance. We can take it slow. Start at square one. We can date. No sex if you’re not ready. Last time we did it all wrong. We started off married, then we went to sex, and then to dating. This time we’ll do it right. We can start dating and work our way up to sex and then maybe someday marriage and kids.”
Her eyes widened, and her eyebrows rose, clearly surprised at my words. “That’s what you want?”
“I want a future together. Exclusive partners, out in the open, so all our friends know we are together. I want to build honesty and trust. I want what I’ve wanted from the moment we got married. To be with you forever. By my side. When you’re ready, I want you to live with me and Kody and be our family. And then to add on to that family. I don’t want to do the weekend thing. I want you to move in with me. God, I want it all, Lacey.”
