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She’d been stupid to fall in love with him, but it had happened so slowly, she’d barely noticed. And it hadn’t been a lightning strike from the sky or anything. Just an accumulation of small kindnesses. His gentle approach with the organisers of a new network of women’s shelters he’d opened. His easy camaraderie with the homeless when he’d toured the country on a fact-finding mission to investigate the current housing situation. The warmth he’d directed to patients while visiting one of the new hospices he’d directed the government to fund.
He was a charming playboy, it was true, but he was also the most genuine, compassionate, caring man she’d ever met.
He was also her boss, and a king and so far out of her league she may as well have tried shooting for the moon. Not only that, she’d slept with him and hadn’t told him, had thought she could adopt out his child...
You didn’t even have the courage to front up either. You run, the way you always do.
Winifred only just stopped herself from covering her face with her hands. God, was there no end to the mistakes she’d made?
She didn’t want the tea, but he was watching her so she reached out and picked up her cup, the teacup rattling on the saucer as she did so. Another betrayal.
And of course he noticed that too.
‘This is not nerves, Freddie.’ He slid his warm palm beneath her wrist steadying her. ‘This is more. Tell me what the problem is.’
‘Seriously?’ She didn’t want to pull her hand away from the warmth of his, but she made herself do it. ‘In the space of half an hour after finding out you’re a father, you suddenly decide you want to claim the baby and marry me?’
He eyed her. ‘What do you expect? I’m not your normal one-night stand, no matter how much you want me to be. I’m a king, which means that any child I have will be my heir. I don’t know whether you know this or not, but succession is the whole point of a monarchy.’
Her jaw set tight, anger collecting inside her. ‘I know that. I’m not stupid.’
‘Then don’t act as if this isn’t a surprise to you.’
‘I thought you didn’t want kids. I thought you—’
‘No,’ he cut her off with gentle firmness. ‘Let’s not have the same conversation again. This will be a shock and I understand that. But I’m not a man who avoids his responsibilities and I will not avoid this one.’
‘And what about me?’ she said, half desperately. ‘What about what I want?’
He gave her a look. ‘You really want to be a single mother? Having to bring the child up alone? I won’t allow you to put the child up for adoption, I’m sorry, but that’s final. And I won’t allow you to bring the child up away from me either. You may decide you don’t want to marry me, in which case you’re free to leave Isavere. I’ll give you excellent references. You will have no difficulty in finding another job.’ There was a certain sharpness in his gaze. ‘I’ll even find one for you if you prefer.’
The thought of leaving, of finding another position made her feel cold. Even if he found one for her and it was well paid enough for her to keep saving money for her sisters, it would mean not only leaving the life she’d created for herself here, but it would also mean leaving him. Leaving her child too.
You know that’s what’s best for your baby. Being away from you.
No.
The denial echoed, bone deep and absolute.
No. It didn’t matter that she was a criminal. It didn’t matter that she didn’t know how to be a mother or ever deserve to be one. She couldn’t leave her child. It was impossible.
This whole situation was impossible.
If she couldn’t run, what could she do?
Stay and face the consequences. The way you failed to do with Aaron.
She looked away, raising her teacup to sip at her tea, trying not to listen to the voice in her head. Her hand was still shaking, but she sipped at the tea anyway. It was lukewarm, the sweetness almost too much for her.
Augustine let out a breath, then he took the saucer and cup from her and put them down on the coffee table. Then he took her hands in his, the warmth of them swallowing up her numb fingers.
She couldn’t look at him.
Perhaps it was weak of her to stay. Perhaps it was wrong to not protect her child from herself and the stain of what she’d done, from the taint of her family’s name. But she had no choice. The thought of leaving her baby was a pain she just couldn’t bear, and if that made her weak then fine, she was weak.
‘What is so very distressing?’ he murmured. ‘It’s just marriage I’m offering, Freddie. Not a march to the gallows.’
Her throat closed. ‘I’m not... I’m not a queen,’ she forced out. ‘I’m just your PA. And you don’t love me. You don’t want me. I’ve basically forced you into this.’
