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His movements became faster and suddenly the tension inside her pulled apart, unrestrained pleasure flooding through every part of her being, making her shudder and shake against the desk.
He put one hand on the desk beside her head, thrusting faster and faster before he fell out of rhythm, stiffening. Then his mouth was on her shoulder, biting down as the orgasm came for him too.
His other hand came down on the desk then as he braced himself, clearly not wanting to rest his whole weight against her, another sign of how he took care of her even when he was furious. And for a minute both of them were still, the room full of the sound of their ragged breathing. Then he pulled away, smoothing down her dress and adjusting the rest of her clothing.
As the aftershocks began to recede, she straightened and turned around.
He’d just finished doing up his fly, the rest of his clothing back in place again. But the look in his eyes was still fierce. ‘Did I hurt you?’
‘No, of course you didn’t.’ She held his gaze. ‘I told you that you didn’t frighten me. Was that supposed to be an example of why you’re such a terrible person? Because if so, you’re going to have to try harder.’
He swore. ‘You really think that’s how a king should act? Taking his pregnant fiancée over the—’
‘You’re not a king with me, Augustine,’ she interrupted sharply. ‘You’re a man. A man who’s had some awful things happen to him, and is still struggling with the effects of an injury, not to mention dealing not only with the grief of losing his father, but also of losing the person you once were. A man who has distanced himself from everyone in order to do this alone. But the problem is, you can’t do it alone.’ She stared steadily into his eyes. ‘I tried to do that myself, to deal with my secret by myself, to deal with this pregnancy all alone, and look where that got me? I couldn’t do it. And now I know that actually I didn’t want to. You need someone, Augustine. You need someone you trust, and you can trust me.’
His expression hardened, his blue eyes suspicious. ‘Why should I?’
‘Because I’m going to be your wife.’ She took a small breath. He should know. He should know that the man he was now wasn’t terrible and he wasn’t broken. That he was a good man, a man who was going to make an excellent husband and an even better father; she just knew it. ‘And because I love you.’
Freddie was standing there, her pretty dress all wrinkled from where he’d shoved it up above her hips. Her eyes were so dark and her hair was falling down around her shoulders, the flush of her orgasm still staining her cheeks.
She was so beautiful.
And he didn’t understand how a woman so beautiful, so intelligent and passionate and honest, and caring, was telling him that she loved him.
Him. Who’d taken her over the desk like an animal.
What the hell was she thinking?
‘What do you mean you love me?’ he demanded, abruptly furious for reasons he couldn’t have articulated.
Her chin lifted, as if she was preparing to do battle. ‘Exactly what I said. I love you, Augustine. I have loved you for a long time. Years in fact.’
He could see the truth in her eyes, but suddenly couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t bear the thought of the impossible burden love exacted being placed on his shoulders along with everything else.
His father had loved him, had expected great things from him, and he’d failed to live up to those expectations.
His mother had loved him and she’d chosen him at the expense of her own life.
All these people loving him and all he’d given them in return was disappointment. He couldn’t bear to do the same with Freddie.
‘I don’t want you to love me,’ he said roughly. ‘I didn’t ask for it.’
‘Too late. That’s the way it is.’
The pressure that the sex had relieved somewhat was building again. A pressure he didn’t know what to do with. The pressure of his painful emotions, his grief for his father, for the King he was supposed to be and couldn’t, for his mother’s sacrifice all in vain, and for his child. Because his child would be stuck with him, a man who wasn’t even really a man, not fully.
‘I’m not in love with you,’ he said. ‘You know that, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’ She didn’t flinch. ‘I know.’
‘And if you’re hoping my feelings will change, you’ll be hoping forever. Because they’re not going to. Marriage won’t change anything.’ It couldn’t. He could barely rein in the emotions he had, let alone compound the burden by adding love to it. And love was so heavy. Heavier than the crown.
Her dark eyes didn’t flicker. ‘I understand that too. I wanted you to know, because while you might not like the man you are now, I do. He’s stronger than he thinks he is, and is an excellent king. I’ve always thought so. He knows his people like no one else, and he’s so good with them. They love him so very much. He doesn’t let what he can’t do limit him, and the fact that he cares deeply about their welfare is what makes him so amazing.’
He didn’t understand it. Didn’t she know that was all an act? Something he tried hard to maintain, because his father had told him that a king knew what was going on in his country and that talking to people was the best way to do that.
‘It’s all pretend,’ he said acidly. ‘All of that is just an act, Freddie. Because if I didn’t, all the people would see is a rabid dog snarling and pulling at the chain around his neck.’
