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The words were an arrow and they pierced his heart clean through.
His friends were right, hewasmaking this all about him and his failings. About all the things he couldn’t do, and all the things he was afraid to do. Because that was it, wasn’t it? It was all about fear.
Fear of not being what she wanted, of not being a good husband, a good father. Fear of not being worthy. Fear of the burden that love had always placed on him.
Her happiness or your fear. What was more important?
It is a choice and you have to choose, that was what Khalil had said.
But Augustine knew in that moment, that there was no choice to be made. Because he’d already chosen. And perhaps he’d chosen that night in the palace, when he’d put his hand on the satiny skin of a woman he wasn’t expecting. A woman who’d first set his body on fire and then his soul.
Winifred. His Freddie. She was more important. She wouldalwaysbe more important.
If you were your father or your mother, would you be disappointed with the man you’ve become?she’d asked him that night in the orchard.Or would they think that you were brave and strong, and amazing for battling such terrible things and coming out the end still alive. Still a king. Still a man to be proud of.
He didn’t know if that was true, but in that moment he suddenly knew exactly what it was that he wanted.
He wanted to be a man thatshecould be proud of. A man who could make her happy because he wanted to. Because he loved her. And he did love her. He loved her so much. It hurt that love, it was too sharp and too bright, and so very hungry. But she loved him in return and her love was strong and steady, a rock he could ground himself on. She was the anchor in the stormy sea he floated in and she wouldn’t let him drown. She would keep him close.
God, what had he been thinking? Wasting three days drinking when he could have spent three days showing Winifred Scott exactly how much he loved her.
Without a word, he launched himself out of his chair.
‘You have to go and see a woman about a broken heart?’ Galen inquired.
But Augustine was already gone.
Winifred was in her apartments, sitting on the sofa and looking at houses for rent on her laptop, when Augustine came bursting in through the door.
She looked up, her heart contracting in her chest when she saw who it was. ‘Augustine? What are you—’
But he’d crossed the room, taken the laptop off her lap and tossed it heedlessly down on the floor, then hauled her straight up off the couch and into his arms before she could finish the sentence.
The look in his blue-green gaze burned as he looked down at her, the intensity in it stealing the breath from her lungs.
‘Winifred,’ he said, and there was nothing but rough gravel in his beautiful voice. ‘My darling Freddie. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about the last few days. About that night in the orchard. About everything.’
She was trembling all of a sudden, her eyes full of tears. She didn’t understand what was happening. ‘I don’t know...what...’
‘I’ve just had a talking to from two friends who know me better than I know myself.’ His arms tightened around her. ‘And they delivered a few home truths. Firstly, that I’m a selfish bastard who made all of this about me and my issues. And secondly, that there’s another person whose happiness is more important to me than anything else on this earth.’
Her throat tightened and she couldn’t speak.
‘It’s you, sweetheart,’ Augustine went on, the flames in his eyes making her nearly catch alight too. ‘It’s your happiness that’s important to me.Youare important to me. And I should have been listening to you all along. I’m sorry I didn’t. I was...afraid. Afraid of not being able to be the husband you want, the husband you deserve. And you deserve so much. You deserve everything that’s in my power to give.’
‘You alreadyarethe husband I deserve,’ she said, her voice thick with emotion. ‘You don’t have to be anything at all but you. You never did.’
Impossibly, the look in his eyes grew even more intense. ‘Oh, sweetheart... You have no idea how much you mean to me. I was wrong when I said that love wasn’t something I could give you. Turns out, I loved you anyway. I think I loved you the moment I found you in my bed. Possibly even before that.’
There was a lump in her throat, a prickling of tears behind her eyes, and her chest felt so tight she could hardly breathe. This couldn’t be real, could it? Was he really saying what she thought he was saying?
‘But...’ she said hoarsely. ‘You didn’t know it was me.’
Augustine smiled, a smile so warm and full of tenderness that she couldn’t keep the tears back no matter how hard she tried. ‘My heart did.’
‘Augustine...’ His name came out as a plea or a prayer, she didn’t know which. She just wanted the pleasure of saying it.
He bent and kissed away the tears that were sliding down her cheeks, gathering her even closer. ‘I was wrong about something else too. As it turns out, love doesn’t make everything worse. Certainly your love doesn’t. It grounds me, Freddie. It steadies me. It anchors me. And I don’t think I can live without it.’
