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‘The doctor said that’s fairly typical, so I don’t think being at work is the culprit. Obviously it may get more problematic as the pregnancy progresses.’ She paused. ‘I actually have my first ultrasound appointment tomorrow. If you’re still around, you might like to come.’
‘I’d like that,’ he replied definitively. ‘I’ll be there.’
‘Good.’
Carrie had half expected him to fob her off, the way her father always did, and she felt a small bubble of joy that he hadn’t. That he was ready and willing to back up his declaration with action.
And suddenly she could not put off asking one of her pressing questions any longer. ‘Damon, what changed your mind about...all of this?’
He spent a moment considering, lashes drawn down over his cocoa-rich gaze. Then, ‘As I said earlier, it was a shock that I didn’t react well to. I spoke in haste.’
From the way his brows drew together in a tight pinch, Carrie knew he really was unhappy with himself over his initial reaction.
‘And you were right in what you said,’ he went on. ‘I lost the opportunity to have a relationship with my father because of yours. But there is no need for our child to suffer in the same way, for the past to claim another victim.’
The delicious morsel of food in her mouth turned to ash and Carrie had to force it down her throat. So it was about her father. Yet again.
The ease she had been starting to feel evaporated. Carefully, she set down her fork. ‘I don’t really know how ask this in a neat way, so I’ll just ask it. In LA, you said you couldn’t be involved because my being my father’s daughter made it too complex. Well, this child is his grandchild. Are you able to separate those things? Are you going to be able to love this child?’
When Damon raised his eyes in response to her question and met her waiting gaze, the tension between them ballooned so thick that it would have needed a chainsaw to cut through it.
‘It’s my child. Of course I will love it.’
The look he dealt her could have sliced her in half.
‘You doubt that?’ he asked.
‘I don’t want to,’ she answered earnestly. ‘But you feel such animosity for my father... I don’t want this child to be raised amongst bitterness and enmity. I only want it to know a happy life.’
‘That’s all I want too.’
Carrie looked away. There was so much nervousness jangling within her that she needed a second to compose herself. How could she frame her fears in the right way? How could she explain that she wanted to believe him but was terrified of how alive the past was in his present—a present that was complicated enough without being made murkier by ancient shadows?
‘Are you really going to be able to deal with having a child with Randolph blood? Can you look beyond that? Because if you think you can’t, or that at some point you may want to walk away, you should bow out now. I told you yesterday, I can do this alone. And having no father at all is better than having one who’s uninterested, or hateful—or, worse, one who checks out.’
Damon’s expression had hardened as she spoke.
‘That’s not going to happen. And I will not let you conjure these scenarios as a pretext to exclude me from my child’s life.’
‘I don’t want to exclude you. I am the person who braved coming to see you so you would know about the baby. All I’m asking is if you’re one hundred percent sure of your decision. Because if you’re not...’ she had to take a breath, draw on all her courage to speak the following words ‘...I have reservations about you being involved.’
For the longest moment he stared back at her without moving, without even blinking. Then, ‘Let’s be clear. Iamgoing to be involved. We can sort it out amicably, between us, or we can involve lawyers. But my involvement is not in question.’
Carrie felt her whole body react with a spasm of fear to the threat of litigation, and knew she must have paled, because a second later Damon speared his fingers through his hair and exhaled a heavy breath.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that to come out as a threat.’
‘It certainly sounded like one.’
‘The truth is, this is not a situation I ever expected to find myself in. Dealing with an unplanned pregnancy... Never mind being in it with—’ He managed to stop his words, but a line of guilty colour streaked through his gaze before he could avert it, and it was that look that said everything he didn’t want to say.
‘Go on—say it,’ Carrie urged, already knowing that he was thinking it each time he looked at her. That it wasallhe thought about. He’d changed his mind about the baby, but not about her. ‘You didn’t imagine being in this scenario with the daughter of the man you hate. The daughter of the man you hold responsible for killing your father.’
His gaze turned to granite. ‘Hedidkill my father.’
‘He didn’t pull the trigger.’
This time it was anger that flashed in his eyes. Cold and lethal. ‘So you’re defending him now?’
