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He felt...angry. He felt enraged, even. And yet... He would not react. What purpose would there be in it? He would lose his temper and he might harm his brother. He could not afford to let himself fully engage with this revelation.
And anyway, what good would it do? Nothing.
“It was,” Cairo agreed.
“Fourteen-year-old boys are stupid,” Riyaz said.
“Yes. And you were sixteen. And suffered greatly for my stupidity.”
Years of stone walls flashed before his eyes. And yet he knew no matter what Cairo had or hadn’t done, that would have been the outcome. He was a convenient scapegoat even now for the real villains, and while Riyaz had sharp and jagged feelings about all of this, he could not blame his brother.
Not wholly.
He might feel something angry or twisted up inside his chest, but in his mind he knew the truth.
“They were intent on killing the royal family, they would’ve done it somehow. Even if it’d been exploding a motorcade. It would’ve occurred. This was a neat and clean way to do it, but... They would’ve found a way.”
“Are you trying to absolve me?”
He did not have that power. He couldn’t pull the blood back from the stones of the palace. He could not offer absolution.
“No. Your actions led to that event. But you cannot control the intent of others. So yes, something that you did played a part in the way they were able to kill our parents and take me prisoner. But... I believe it would’ve happened either way. And perhaps we all would have been blown up.”
“You can’t know that.”
“No. But you can’t know otherwise.”
“I don’t understand,” Cairo said. “Are you blaming me? Forgiving me?”
“I can do either. Here is one thing you learn with only yourself for company for a great number of years. The world turns regardless of your involvement in it. In the dark of night, you only have yourself. And the only way you can be rescued is if there someone out there who cares enough to do it. I can’t absolve you. You have to absolve yourself. But you are the person who came for me. Whether you are blameless or not... That is something.”
It wasn’t a rousing speech of forgiveness. It was something deeper than that. It was something that Cairo could actually... Accept.
Neither of them was perfect. But they were here together in the dark. He had come for Riyaz when Riyaz needed him. And now Riyaz had come for him. And perhaps they could never make fair the things that were unfair. And perhaps they could never make whole the things that were broken.
And perhaps he could never be redeemed.
But maybe... Maybe he could be loved. Just as he was anyway. Because wasn’t that what Riyaz was giving him? Not absolution, and not blame. Just acceptance.
“I have to go to her,” he said.
“Of course you do,” said Riyaz.
“I’m not taking her prisoner.”
“I wouldn’t care if you were.”
“Yes. I know.”
He wouldn’t care if Cairo was taking her prisoner, because he supposed that was what he had done to Brianna. He had to be honest about that. He had not initially given her a choice, and while she had said yes eventually, he still felt...
He still knew that he was denying her that dream she’d always had.
That normal life.
He had claimed her in the desert, whether she’d wanted to be claimed or not. He had not asked. Though in the end, she had said yes. And he had offered her a foundation. So there was that.
He didn’t know what he felt about what Cairo had said. That he was the one who had given the men the keys to the palace. But he was the reason Riyaz had been locked away. That their mother was dead.
