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I swallow hard against the lump in my throat and shake my head as if that will get rid of my thoughts. “I get it.”
He stands slowly, looking at me with a hint of a smile, like he’s trying to find something good in all this mess. “You do?”
I nod. “Completely.”
He steps forward. “Then you understand that I’ve been surviving for years, just dealing with life from one day to the next. Practicing medicine and serving the MC.”
“We all do what we can to survive, Nova.” Isn’t that exactly what I’ve been doing for most of my life, just surviving?
“But I want more, Maggie. I want to be better for myself and for you.”
My eyes go wide. “Me?”
He nods. “Yeah. I want you by my side and in my bed. I want to build a life with you, Maggie.”
My heart flutters in my chest at his words because I’m no different than any other woman who wants someone to love her for real. To see me as I am—potty mouth, scarred face, and bald head—and love me. I want it, but I don’t believe I’ll ever get it.
I spent years waiting for Demon to be that man even though he proved time and again he was incapable of being that person. I want to believe Nova’s words when they curl around my heart and warm my flesh, so I suck in deep breath and let the words rush out on the exhale.
“I want that with you, too, Nova. Come away with me, and we can have it all. Everything.” My breath catches, and I’m waiting for him, just like yesterday, hanging on to his words.
“Maggie,” he starts, and I already know. I know what’s coming, but it’s not what I want to hear.
“I can’t leave the MC, Maggie. I won’t.”
My smile’s there, but it’s all wrong. It’s like it’s breaking with the rest of me. “I know. You say you want me, but you don’t. Not really. You want me on your terms or not at all.”
“That’s not true.” He’ closer, and all I see are those deep blue eyes piercing me. “I want you, Maggie. God, I need you.” His forehead’s against mine, and his hand’s at my neck. At that moment, it’s like I can feel everything he’s feeling.
I close my eyes so I don’t see the pain in him. His voice wraps around me, and I wanna believe his words so bad. I wanna give in. I wanna forget I ain’t safe here, that the Devils will kill me if I stay in Angel Harbor. And I can’t forget that.
My eyes open and I take in his handsome face, committing every line to memory so I’ll never forget this man or this moment.
My lips find his and I kiss him with my whole heart, pouring all the love I feel for him into what’s gonna be our last kiss. Our tongues dance like they know this is it, the final time they’ll meet.
Nova holds me close, devouring my mouth desperately, like his kisses can erase everything and make me forget.
Damn, it almost works.
But his hands are on my head, on the bandana covering where my hair used to be, and it’s like a slap to my face, reminding me why I have to leave. I pull back with tears in my eyes. “I can’t stay, Nova. Ghost and the Devils won’t stop. They’ll kill me.”
“Maggie.” He reaches for me but I step back, shaking my head.
“You know it’s true. They won’t quit and Ghost will kill you, your brothers, even your ladies just for getting between them and payback. I can’t stay and you won’t leave.”
It’s like a fucked up country song, but sadder ‘cause this is my shitty life.
“I can’t,” he insists.
“You won’t,” I shoot back, understanding ‘cause I’m not angry any more. Just so damn sad I can barely breathe.
“Adios, Nova.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
Nova
All these years I thought that nothing in this world could hurt more than the dozens, maybe hundreds, of men and women I lost on my watch. I thought nothing could torture me more than being unable to sleep to focus because of the faces that wouldn’t give me a moment of peace. I thought my parents abandoning me, my brain betraying me, was the worst of it for me. It was shit, but if that was the worst of it, I could deal with it.
