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“You good?” Trev asked me. He could read me too well.
“Yeah.”
“Liar.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know who she’ll choose. Not sure I can survive her leaving me this time.”
“If you’re laying on the Saxon charm, like I told you to, then she’s sunk, or she will be before it’s time for that.”
I hoped he was right.
“You have more faith in that than I do.”
Trev smirked. “I’ve seen it in action too much not to know its power.”
I rolled my eyes, and Trev squeezed my shoulder.
“Sorry I brought him. I had no choice. If you want to talk tomorrow without the boss up in our business, let me know.”
I understood. Truthfully, talking to Blaise had eased some of my concerns. I knew Haisley’s family was safe.
“I’ll see you tomorrow night at the party.”
I didn’t watch them leave. I went back inside to Haisley. I didn’t want her waking up to find me not there.
Tonight had started out great, but it had come to a crashing end. Leaving her siblings behind had been hard on her, and I’d been so fucking torn. I wanted to grab her and run away from all that shit that made her unhappy. Knowing it was because she loved them, that she cared, made me feel guilty for wanting to be selfish with her. I didn’t want to share her. I wanted her smiling and happy. Her family seemed to do the opposite to her.
The bedroom door opened as I moved the last chocolate chip pancake from the griddle to a plate. I looked up from the breakfast I’d gotten up early to start on to see Haisley standing there in my hoodie that I’d left hanging over the sofa in my bedroom. A sleepy smile touched her lips as she made her way over to the bar.
“You’re making pancakes,” she said.
I turned off the griddle and walked around the bar. I needed to touch her. “They’re not just any pancakes. They’re Christmas Eve chocolate chip pancakes. I also made bacon and sliced up strawberries.” I grabbed her by the waist and tugged her against my bare chest.
She tilted her head back to look up at me. “I’ve never had Christmas Eve chocolate chip pancakes, and I’ve never had a hot, shirtless guy cook for me.”
I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Good. If another one does, I’ll have to kill him.”
She laughed and turned her head so that our lips met. I let go of her waist to cup her face in my hands. Having her lean into me and grab my biceps, like she couldn’t get close enough, gave me some reassurance that she felt something beyond our situation. I sucked on her bottom lip before tasting her again. When she broke the kiss and dropped her forehead to my chest, she sighed.
“I’m sorry about last night. You went to all that trouble to make it special.”
I ran my hands down her arms. “Please don’t apologize. None of that was your fault. I’m just sad it was ruined for you and the others.”
She took a deep breath and looked up at me. “I’m going to enjoy today. I am going to call later and check on things. I want to catch Mom at home if I can. I’d like to talk to her about Silver. Not that it will do much good.”
I was going to do all I could to make sure her Christmas Eve was special. “We’ll get her help. I promise.”
So many emotions flashed in her lavender eyes. I wanted to dissect them all and understand what she was thinking.
“This isn’t your problem. I got pregnant, and since finding out, you have done more than I would have ever asked for. The baby is your only responsibility. You don’t have to take on all my other baggage.”
This kind of talk had to stop. She was keeping a wall up, and I wanted every fucking wall burned to the ground. No barriers between us. I wanted all of her.
“Haisley, let me make myself clear. This isn’t about responsibility. This is about my wanting you happy. I love seeing you smile. I love hearing you laugh. This past year, my life changed, and until you, I had very little that gave me any kind of peace or joy. My head was all fucked up, and my chest felt twisted all the time. But when I’m with you, it makes all of that shit okay. You center me. Remind me about the good in life. So, when I do things for you, it’s because I have an overpowering need to take care of you. I need to.”
That was as close as I was going to get to telling her I loved her. At least for now. But damn if that wasn’t the definition, then I didn’t know what was.
