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She cocks her head to the side and holds my gaze. I position myself at her warm opening, still gripping her throat tightly within my grasp, and slam fully inside her. I groan at the same time as she cries out my name, both of us giving in to the sensation.
She rides my cock as I fuck her, circling her hips to my deep thrusts, our bodies damp with sweat, our blood hot.
Reaching a hand down to her clit, I run my thumb over it in perfect rhythm to the way our bodies move.
“I’m gonna come so hard!” she cries, her desire coating my fingers.
My cock pulsates inside her as her walls squeeze around me. I know she’s close, I can feel it. I tilt her face further to the side with a flip of my hand and rub her clit faster. I need her eyes, need to see what I’m doing to her.
Her brows low, eyes glossing over, I kiss her, swallowing her whimpers. She fucks my hand while I continue to impale her, my need growing, pulling at my stomach.
With a loud moan, her pleasure hits, her teeth biting into my lower lip as my own release nears. Once her pussy tightens around me over and over again, my orgasm comes crashing in.
We pull our mouths apart, my dick still inside her. She looks back at me, her gaze burning into mine, her breaths as wild as her eyes. Grabbing the back of my head, she slams her lips to mine. And this time, she leads our kiss. And though she’s just devoured my body, she devours my lips, and somehow through it all, she devours my soul. And I let her.
CHAPTER15
LEXI
I awake abruptlyto the sound of Jax’s alarmed voice. Sitting up, I place my hands over my unsteady heart. I peer out the window, the sky still dark, fitted for the night.
“Don’t take her. No! Don’t take her!” My eyes flip to him as his screams rip through the room.
Oh no, another episode. Oh, Jax.I’m not sure what to do as I stare at his bare back, hard and strong, yet underneath all that power there’s pain hiding away, one that only his nightmares know. I wonder who he’s talking about. Who is she and why is she being taken?
“Just take me instead, please. Please!” he begs. My breath stills and tears well in the corners of my eyes.
I brush his soft dark blond hair with my fingers. “Shh, it’s okay, you can wake up now. It’s not real.” I know I should be afraid after the way he grabbed me last time, but I know that wasn’t him, the real Jax would never hurt me. He’s someone else in those dreams, someone scared and desperate. I know what to expect this time, so I’ll be careful.
I continue stroking his hair while whispering soothing words, hoping my voice brings him back slowly.
His body shifts as his eyelids flicker wildly. “Whatever you’re seeing, it’s not real.I’mreal. Lexi. Open your eyes.”
Snapping awake, a panicked expression flitters across his handsome features. He flips up to a sitting position, propping himself up on his forearms as he scoots back against the mahogany headboard. My hand jumps to my mouth, holding in the fear while I do my best to control the loud thudding of my heart.
His chest heaves in and out while he stares at me as though not seeing me at all. He squeezes his eyes shut. “I had another one, didn’t I? Goddamn it!” he grits out, punching the side of his head over and over. “Fucking hell!”
Sadness sidles up my throat. I blink, feeling my eyes water. I quickly brush them away, not wanting him to see the pity on my face.
“Hey, hey.” I move close and clutch his fist, stopping him from hurting himself some more. “Don’t you ever do that.” I place a gentle hand on his thigh.
“I need you to hear me, Jax.” My tone is calm and steady. “Whatever’s going on, talk to me or talk to someone,anyone. Please. I’m worried about you.”
He opens his eyes, his brows snapping together in pain. “I’m sorry you had to see that again. I keep screwing up! It’s not fair to you. This is my burden alone.”
“You’re not alone, not when you have me. And you’re never a burden. A huge pain in my ass for sure, but a burden you are not.” A smile breaks through my lips, hoping to shift the mood, but I fail, his eyes still carry so much suffering. I feel incredibly helpless. Leaning over him, I kiss his temple. “Let me in, Jax. I’m right here. I’ve got your six.”
He inhales sharply, pressing his fingers into his eyes just as a sniffle escapes, once, then a second time. My chin trembles at seeing him so overcome with emotion. He doesn’t deserve the pain he carries day in and day out.
He runs a hand over his face, blinking away the evidence of his torment. Does no one else see how much he’s suffering? Maybe I should talk to Damian about it, maybe he could convince him to seek help. Or it may be no use. It could just cause Jax to hate me and to pull away from his friends. Tension builds in my neck at the uncertainty of my choices.
“Let me hold you, baby.” His voice is soft against the backdrop of the still night. He slides down the bed and spoons me close to his warm body, tightening his arm around me.
His nose in my hair, he inhales deeply and whispers, “I’d take your scent into the darkness with me if I could. It’s the only way I’d know I’d come back out on the other side.” My eyes sting and I let the tears silently fall, crying from the agony in his voice, from his longing to be free of his nightmares. And in that moment, I realize, I’m falling in love with a man who’ll never love me back.
* * *
Sunlight spills into his bedroom, filtering through the split in the navy curtains hanging high above his cathedral ceiling. The sharp light burns my eyes, so I shut them again, burrowing my face into his soft pillow. His arm hangs loosely over me and I wish that I could stay this way forever.
