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“Good. He doesn’t deserve your damn forgiveness.”
“Are you…jealous?” she asks, the corner of her mouth dipping into a grin. Am I? Maybe this is jealousy but I wouldn’t even know because I never experienced it before. All I know is, if he comes anywhere near her, I’ll rip those so-called balls right off of him and feed them to a dog.
“Nah, not jealous, just pissed he thinks he could contact you.” The smile shining in her eyes is doused by my words.
Yeah, I didn’t tell her the truth. Go ahead, hate me, but sometimes the truth hurts more than fiction. What do you expect me to say anyway?Yeah, baby, I think I’m starting to have feelings for you but guess what? I’ll never make you mine. I’m sure that’ll go over really well.
“You know you could stop this whenever you want, be with whoever you want, just please, don’t make it that cocksucker.” Those words feel like bullets through my heart, but I have to make her believe them.
Her lips form a thin line and she glances down briefly before forcing a smile. “Good. Glad we’re on the same page.” The words slip out a little too enthusiastically, and she quickly lays her head down on my stomach. I wrap an arm around her and we go back to pretending that neither one of us is starting to feel something that we shouldn’t.
CHAPTER16
JAX
“Areyou sure this dress isn’t too much for just a backyard party?” Lexi asks as she examines herself in the full-length mirror inside the large dressing room of Saks Fifth Avenue. I can’t look away from her body in this dress, then again, I can’t look away from her body when she’s in any tight outfit.
A few days ago, I told her I wanted to buy her a new dress for the party. She refused at first, but once I told her how happy it’d make me while I had her legs spread on my countertop and my tongue inside her, she happily agreed. I can be very convincing that way.
This black dress is made for her. The length is at her knees, while the V-neck shows off a nice bit of her tits. She chose well.“No babe, I promise. It’s perfect.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
I snake my arm around her stomach from behind. “You look so good, it’ll be hard for me to keep my hands off of you tomorrow.”
She arches a brow and I catch it in the mirror. “Well you better behave with your family there.”
“Believe me, my mother would give us her blessing and make sure there’s a bottle of champagne and rose petals on the bed.” Her lips break into a grin. “What can I say? The poor woman wants me married so I can give her lots of grandbabies.”
“Well, maybe that’ll happen for you one day.”
“Nah, baby, it’ll never happen because I don’t want it to. I don’t want a wife or kids. I’m happy the way I am.” I almost believe my own bullshit, but if I thought I’d make a terrible husband, I knew that I’d make an even worse father.
She twists within my grasp and faces me, her brows crouching. “Never? But why? You don’t have to want any of those things with me, but never seems so final. Maybe you’ll meet someone with whom those things will seem easy.”
Already met her.
I release a ragged breath. I can’t let her think this has anything to do with her not being good enough for me. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if she did.
I grab her hand, bringing it to my mouth, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles. “You’re perfect, Lex, you know that?” She blinks, looking down at the ground. “Please, look at me.” And when she does, that’s when I see the first hint of tears welling in her eyes.
“If I were the marrying type, you’d be the one for me, no one else. But I’m not. That life was never meant for me, so don’t think this has anything to do with you, baby.” I wipe a tear that slips from the corner of her eye. “I’m fucked up. Consider yourself lucky for not ending up with someone like me.”
“Okay,” she brokenly says. “I just want you to be happy.”
“Iamhappy, especially right now, seeing you in this dress.” She turns to face the mirror again, running her hands down her hips. She’s so upset and it’s all my damn fault. I wish I were better for her, but I’ll never be whole. Half of me is still in Afghanistan.
The only reason I’m even bringing her to this party is to make my mom happy. She’s gonna love Lexi and it’s a damn shame I’ll have to eventually tell her we broke up. I could already see her blaming me, not that she’d be wrong. But I want her to think I’m at least capable of having a relationship because she’s been concerned over my constant hookups.
I’ve never told my mom about the nightmares or the fears, and I never will. I’ve never told anyone, not even Gabe or Damian. What good would that do? My mom suspects something and keeps insisting I see a shrink, which wouldn’t fucking help anyway. I’d rather manage this on my own.
I loop an arm around Lexi’s chest and place my chin on the top of her head. “I have a surprise for you.”
“What’s that?” She eyes me suspiciously through the mirror.
I reach inside my jeans pocket and take out a small box. Opening it behind her, I remove the necklace I bought for her and enclose it around her neck. The thin strand of diamonds sparkle within the green flecks of her hazel eyes.
She gasps. “Jax, I can’t take this.” Her eyes stay glued to her neck.
