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My body was being pulled to him. I felt bare even though my clothes still covered me. I was the first to look away, the intensity became more than I could tolerate.
As Lilah excused herself to visit the ladies room, I hurried over to apologize to Damian for the finger he probablyshouldn’thave gotten. But to be honest, it was just an excuse to get a closer look at the man I really wanted to see.
As I neared, Jax’s crystal blues started with my face and traveled down my body as though examining a painting, concentrating on appreciating every inch. A jolt of passion began to build between my thighs, leaving me starved and craving, reminding me that I hadn’t been with any man in a year, let alone a man who looked like him.
And well…I may have had a difficult time keeping my eyes off him too. His white short-sleeved T-shirt with#You’re Itdisplayed across, pulled against his firm, strong chest, exposing its mouth-watering silhouette.
I tried to play it off like he had no effect on me, that was until he asked if I was single. Maybe I should’ve lied but I said yes, and we exchanged numbers.
He had my body screaming to be fucked. I’ll never willingly admit that to his face though. I’m taking that to my grave.
And now, here we are.
He’s called a few times, his texts practically begging to talk on the phone, but I’ve refused. I’m afraid if I hear that smoky voice again, I’ll agree to meet him and then who knows what’ll happen. Okay,fine, we all know what’ll happen. He’d fuck me and I’d let him. I’m constantly torn between wanting him to tear my clothes off and wishing I never met him. It’s a vicious cycle, let me tell you.
I’ve yet to really date much. The ones who’ve been interested didn’t hold my interest. I pushed myself to give them a shot at Lilah’s urging that I open myself up, but after the first date, there was no second. I guess my heart’s still locked away in a small, darkened room, alone yet safe. I’d rather it stay there. The sun only feels good until it burns.
It hasn’t been easy to get past what Aiden did and it has affected me in more ways than one. Not only did he break us, but he broke me too. I’ve been clouded with bodily insecurities and feelings of not being worthy enough to love.
But I’m slowly reclaiming my self-worth, filling in the emptiness he left behind. I’m not who I used to be, and I don’t think I ever will be, but that’s okay. Sometimes what we create from the discarded pieces someone leaves behind is far more beautiful than we could’ve ever imagined.
After Aiden cheated, he called for months begging me to take him back, asking for a chance he’d never get. Even his mother called multiple times leaving messages, asking what happened because Aiden wouldn’t tell her, so I decided I should. She grew speechless and apologized, and after that, I never heard from her again. Eventually, he stopped trying too, and I was finally free of him, but not of the memories.
I fell into quite the depression after I left him that night. It was difficult to climb out of it, but with help from Lilah, my sisters, and my mom, eventually I did. I never want to return to that woman, so that’s also been holding me back from finding someone new.
Jax can’t ever be anything more than whatever the hell we are. I’ve toyed with the idea of only sleeping with him once, simply to get him out of my system, but that’s not a good idea. There’s something going on between Lilah and Damian, and the last thing I want to do is create an awkward situation for her by sleeping with Damian’s friend.
But I did realize one thing since we’ve met, I need sex. Bad. Vibrators are all well and good, but nothing could replace the real thing. All that strength, the power, the push, the pull… My body heats up and I pinch my thighs together, picturing Jax sinking into me for the first time.
My cell pings again with another text, drowning out my salacious thoughts.
Jax: You’re thinking about it aren’t you? The things I’m doing to you…
Lexi: I have NO idea what you’re talking about.
Jax: How many times have you thought about me? How many times have I made you come? I bet I can top that number in person.
I inhale sharply, growing instantly warm between my legs. My nipples tighten, aching for his mouth. I need to stifle out this growing orgasm.Think of sad or disgusting things. Mayo, rats, spiders, starving puppies, puppies are cute, Jax is cute. No, Jax is hot as fuck.Well damn, that backfired on me.
Jax: One time. Let me see you just once, and if after that you never want to see me again, I won’t fight it. I’d never do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I promise. We can just be friends. What can go wrong?
Lexi: Oh, I could think of so many things, soldier boy.
Jax: You can’t call me that, Lex. My head’s back in the damn gutter.
Lexi: When is your head ever actually out of the gutter?
Jax: Such a little smart ass. Come on, what do you say? I’ll even do my best to try not thinking of fucking you the entire time.
Please, fuck me.I pant.If he heard my thoughts, he’d be over in an instant.
Lexi: Try? That doesn’t sound very convincing.
Jax: You can’t expect miracles, babe.
He sends another text and this time it’s of his chiseled face, one that I haven’t seen since the night we met. That jaw is so perfectly angled with a little ghost of dirty blond stubble. He pokes his full bottom lip out in an attempt to look sad, and his eyes…they’re like the calmest sea, equally dangerous and inviting.Ugh, damn you, Jax. Before I change my mind, I send a reply.
Lexi: Fine. We can hang out. Once. That’s it. I’m sure you won’t be too sad if you never saw me again. I’m sure there are unlimited supply of panties you can get into.
