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I pull away from his gaze before I get lost in their depths. “Sure, but my apartment is kind of messy.” The clothes I was trying on still lay haphazardly on my bed. Hopefully, he doesn’t take a peek inside on his way to the bathroom. I’m fairly sure I never closed the door.
“I don’t mind messy.” He smirks and I feel it everywhere. He has the type of smirk your body can’t hide from. No matter how badly you don’t want it to react, it will.
I move aside to let him pass. “It’s just down the hall straight ahead. Last door on the left.” But instead of going inside, he comes closer to me, too close. His eyes find mine once more and he leans in, his breath tickling my lips, the heat of his body worshipping mine. My body grows warm, as a wave of lustful urgency slams into me.
His mouth parts and his tongue darts out, licking across the seam, dangerously close to my mouth. My core tightens as he lowers his lips, almost touching mine, but instead they land softly against my cheek, silky as a feather. My breaths turn frazzled and I release a tiny gasp.
He pulls back, his eyes filled with the same thirst that’s coursing through my body. Neither one of us looks away, and I sink into his bright blues with nothing to hold on to.
All thoughts as to why I shouldn’t have agreed to see him come tumbling back in.This is merely a physical response to a really good-looking guy, that’s all.I really need to get laid. A simple kiss shouldn’t have affected me this much.
He drops his eyes to the ground and sighs, soundlessly stepping inside, leaving me yearning for more of what he left behind.
Once I hear the bathroom door close, I rush over to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. I drink the entire thing as though with one look, with the briefest touch of his lips, all life has been depleted out of me.
I place the bottle down and grip the counter to calm the nerves tingling within me. What would those lips feel like in other places?Nope, not even going there right now.
“Couldn’t figure out what to wear, huh?” My eyes widen in horror.Damn it.I hadn’t even heard him come out!
I casually stroll over toward him. No big deal, just a girl who tried on a million outfits.
He’s leaning against the doorframe of my bedroom, looking at the pile of clothes haphazardly thrown on the bed.
“Yeah, I am ah—a very indecisive person.”
“I can see that,” he says, a twinge of amusement slinking in his smile. He turns, his eyes traveling leisurely up and down my body, leaving a scorching trail of warmth across my flushed skin.
“I’m not sure if all that was for me or you,” he points to the clothes, his voice low and smooth, “but the thing is—I don’t care what you wear.” I swallow against the lump gripping my throat. He steps close, leaning into my mouth until our lips graze. “For me you never have to try. To me you’ll always be beautiful.”
A shiver runs up my body and my eyes close for a brief second from the sudden prickle of tears, the ones I’m wishing away. I don’t want him to know how much those words meant to me and what they’re currently doing to my heart.
His lips remain still against mine, just a barest touch, as though they don’t want to leave. He inhales deep, as if drinking in my scent.
The proximity of his body, those words stroking me in places no man has touched in a while, it’s all too much. I drown in a desperate kind of need.
I’m the first to pull away, wanting distance to control my emotions.
“Are you ready?” he asks, his voice hoarse, avoiding my eyes as though he felt the power of the moment as much as I did.
I clear my throat. “Sure, let’s go.” But that’s a lie. I’m not ready, not even close.
CHAPTER2
JAX
When the helldid I turn into a man who can’t stop thinking about a woman, even when she’s right beside him. I’ve wanted to see her since we began talking, and now that she’s here, I can’t seem to stop glancing at her, afraid she’ll vanish like smoke on the wind.
These past few weeks have been completely new territory for me. I’ve never spent so much time talking to a single girl, not since I joined the Army.
Ever since I retired from Delta Force four years ago, I’ve sworn off relationships. My last one was before I joined the Army at eighteen. Back then, I dated a girl in high school for a year, and once I decided to enlist, we agreed it was best to end things. She was going away to college across the country and we both knew we wouldn’t be able to make it work. And to be honest, I wasn’t that in love with her, so the breakup didn’t really sting too much.
After her, I never had time for a girlfriend, so it’s been a good twelve years since I’ve actually been on a date. I’m more of a one and done kind of man now. Never fuck the same girl twice. I have no interest in anything past the physical shit and I make sure the women know this about me before anything happens. It’s easier that way.
The military changed who I once was on a visceral level. It has twisted my mind into something unrecognizable. I’ve been dealing with a deep-rooted darkness for so long, I don’t know how to escape the insidious shadow. I see death everywhere, it bound itself to me one ugly day and hasn’t let go. Its black fingers grip relentlessly around my heart and every day they squeeze harder and tighter, pushing me further into the dark abyss where it lives, hoping I never climb out.
But some days are harder than others, and in those days, I realize how truly alone I really am. Still, being alone is better than letting someone in, better than seeing death steal them away from me, like it did someone else I love. Sometimes I see death take my family and friends, and I wake up realizing it was another nightmare. I can’t imagine how it’d feel to lose the woman I love over and over, or worse—losing her for real. I don’t ever want to find out. I never want to experience that. And even though Lexi is the type of girl I’d want to try with, I won’t. No woman should be with someone as messed up as me.
When I met Lexi, she was supposed to be like the women before her, a one-time fuck, but things didn’t go as planned. Once we exchanged numbers, I texted her a few times, thinking she’d be easy, but nope. She was having none of that. She told me she knew men like me and wanted nothing to do with me. I guess she wasn’t wrong, but there’s so much more to me she’ll never know. It’s easier to pretend.
