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I flip to my back and take her with me. I’ll make sure to keep my dick in check. She doesn’t need to know how much I want her. She tucks herself right onto my chest, like she has always belonged. Maybe she does. No,she isn’t mine, even if she feels like it.
I wish my life had started out differently. But I know that my demons are lurking under all that chivalry, just waiting for their time out in the sun. I won’t let them come out to play. They need to stay buried. Forever.
* * *
LILAH
I gnaw at my lip until the sting of pain slices through. How did I get here? In the arms of a man who isn’t my boyfriend, consoling me, because the man who promised to love me hurts me instead. He may claim he cares, but words only take the heart so far.
I don’t know how much more of this life I can take. My only option is to move away, change my name, and start over. Even then, I think Ash’s blackmail would still haunt me. He has my entire life in his clutches. And what he’s threatened to reveal would shatter whatever’s left of my existence.
I tuck myself closer to Damian’s hard body and welcome the cocoon that he’s created around mine. I look up, making sure my movements haven’t roused him from his sleep. My breathing begins to slow to a normal pace. His proximity calms me. He may not be able to help me out of my shitty predicament, but him being there for me is more than I could ever repay.
The way he looks at me, it’s like he wants to be the one to send all my pain to the fiery pits of Hell. I wish he could. I wish he was my savior, but I’m beyond saving.
Trying to think about something else, I survey every inch of his face wanting to recognize him. Being unable to is eating at me. Where could we have possibly met? I’ll figure it out one day but right now all that matters is how good he makes me feel. I burrow myself closer, needing to make his arms my home.
He’s now the only person who knows what Ash is truly capable of. The realization makes me both grateful and devastated. I’m relieved that someone finally knows what I’ve been going through, but I’m also embarrassed. He must think I’m pitiful for staying, for not being strong enough to slay my own dragons, not that I could blame him. I am. I take deep breaths and close my eyes, hoping my dreams are better than my reality.
Chapter 8
Lilah
Isnap awake to the glare of sunlight that filters through the sheer, grey curtains. The rays mock me with their cheerfulness. My eyelids feel like a ton of bricks while my throat aches. My entire body feels as though it went to war and lost.
It takes me a second to realize where I am and that Damian’s no longer in bed with me. I squint around the room. “Damian, are you here?” I swing my feet out of his grey upholstered bed and am ready to rush out looking for him, when I spot a note on the nightstand.
Hey, I went to get us some breakfast and to run a quick errand. You’re safe here. I programmed my number into your cell just in case you need me. See ya in a bit.
I plop back down on the bed and grab his pillow and cuddle it to my chest. It still smells like him. I shut my eyes, savoring the faint, woodsy smell of his cologne. I wish I could stay here forever, but this isn’t my life.
I drag my feet out of his warm bed and stride toward the kitchen in search of a coffee machine. Once I find it, I make enough for the both of us. It’s the only thing I can do to show some gratitude for all his kindness.
I edge my way toward the white swivel stool next to the marbled counter, then place my hot cup down and look through my phone. There are four missed calls from Ash and one from my mom. The voicemail icon glares at me and I know it’ll be him on the other end. I wrestle with whether to listen to it or not, but in the end the masochist in me wins.
“Hey babe, I just wanted to tell you I love you. Call me back.”
Fuck you, asshole.
“Baby, it’s me again. Are you okay? Just call me so we can talk.”
I glare at the screen for a few seconds before I press the button for the next message.
“You better call me back. Now. I’m not playing games anymore or I’ll show up at your place.”
The bitterness drips from every word. He thinks everything he does is justified, so it’s not a surprise that he isn’t the least bit apologetic. I hit next again.
“I swear to you, if you don’t call me back by this afternoon, I’m going to show everyone everything that you’ve been so afraid of. Don’t fucking play with me, Lilah. Believe me you’ll lose.”
I expected this, but that doesn’t make the sudden jolt of fear in my chest hurt any less. It’s sad to see what has become of us. I know it shouldn’t, but it does. Once, there was so much love there. Was it always rotten? Always veiled? Was I just foolish? I swallow the hurt away.
I have no doubt that he’ll reveal what I wish he wouldn’t. He’s capable of destroying me, we both know it. I reach for the phone again and send him a text.
Lilah: I need time. Just give me that. A few days, that’s all I ask.
Ash: Nice to finally hear from you. I’ll give you until Saturday, but not a day more. I have work to do anyways. I need my girl. Love you.
Lilah: Fine. Love you.
