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“It’s good to see you,” Dr. Singh says. Carter can’t say the same, so he says nothing at all. Dr. Singh nods as if he understands. “You don’t want to be here.”
“Travis asked me to.”
“Does that upset you?”
“No.” Carter sighs, the lie exhausting him for some reason. He tries the truth instead. “Yes.”
Dr. Singh nods again. Him and his stupid assumption that he understands. He doesn’t understand a goddamn thing. “It’s interesting that you chose to give therapy another chance and asked for one-on-one instead of just attending the group sessions again.”
“Is it?” Carter asks sarcastically.
“It is. There’s a sense of unity in group sessions. Also less pressure on you. If Travis wanted you to give therapy a chance, it’d be the perfect way to ease yourself into it. Instead, you're here." He frowns. "Was that something Travis asked of you, or your decision?”
Carter shifts in the chair, not liking where this is going. “Uh - mine. He left it up to me.”
“And so I say again, it’s interesting that you chose this.”
“I guess. Sure.”
“What about group therapy do you not like, Carter?”
Carter huffs an angry laugh. “You.”
“Yet, here we are.” Dr. Singh tilts his head, looking at Carter like he’s a puzzle to solve. Carter can’t decide if that pisses him off or fills him with hope. Solve me, he wants to beg, Please, someone fucking solve me. “I’m not saying I think you secretly like me, because I’m fully aware you don’t, but I’m not what you’re avoiding with group therapy if you’re here now. So, what is it?”
“He told you already, didn’t he?” Carter asks, angrily grinding his teeth at the sting of betrayal. “Travis told you and you’re acting all cool like you figured it out yourself.”
Dr. Singh looks genuinely confused. “Travis didn’t tell me anything. In fact, the last time Travis and I spoke, the two of you were not in a place where Travis could be asking you to come see me. Though I will admit, I heard through house gossip the two of you got back together. I figured that's why he stopped coming to see me."
"Why?"
"Because he got what he wanted. No point putting himself through the misery of therapy once he got what he wanted, right?"
The sarcasm almost makes Carter smile. Almost. "You think Trav has more work to do with you?"
"Yes, but we aren't here to talk about Travis's therapy. We're here to talk about yours. So, do you want to tell me what you're not getting that's making you put yourself through this misery? Or do you want to tell me why you'd rather deal with me alone than in the group?"
"Neither."
"Not an option, I'm afraid." He smiles. It's surprisingly warm and kind. "We have to start somewhere, Carter."
Carter sighs, his knee starting to bounce. He wonders if Travis felt like this when sitting here. Like his body might explode if he keeps everything inside any longer, but like the world around him might explode if he lets go.
Carter sure as fuck isn't going to talk about sex and the fact that Travis won't dominate him, so that only leaves one option. "I feel like I don't belong with the group."
"Really?" Dr. Singh asks.
"You can't possibly be surprised by that." Carter waves a hand through the air. "You saw it for yourself that first time we all got together. The way they talked about me."
"But then they realized you didn't know the truth until the end.”
"Still, I didn't suffer like they did."
"No?" Dr. Singh frowns, leaning forward. "You weren't kidnapped? Treated like an animal? Starved? Tortured with darkness and silence? You weren't bought by a human being as a sex slave? You weren't repeatedly raped and abused? You didn't spend your days crawling on a leash? You didn't fear for your life? You didn't wish you were dead?"
Carter bounces his knee harder. Actually, at this point it's bouncing itself. "It's different."
"Why? Because it was Travis who did some of it?"
