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Travis moves his glare to Maison. Whereas his glare with Jake held an air of friendliness to it, his glare for Maison is pure anger. “What the fuck is your problem?”
“Woah.” Maison laughs dryly. “Never said I had a problem.”
“I saved your brother’s life.”
“Trav-” Jake starts.
Travis ends his argument with a wave of his hand, pushing away from the table and to his feet. “No. He needs to fucking hear this.” He turns to Maison and points a finger at him. “I saved Carter. I became a fucking monster for you even though I fucking begged you not to make me. And yeah, okay Maison, I fucking fell in love with him. You think I meant to? You think that was fucking fun for me? You think I enjoy the fact that after spending over a week living in a shit-pit with a motherfucker who has terrible taste in chewing gum and likes talking about feelings that the first thing I wanted to do when coming home was track that boy down and hold him? You think it’s funny that I couldn’t eat or enjoy a nice cold beer because for the first time ever I heard the man I love laugh freely and loudly and smile so fucking wide I didn’t recognize him? You think that’s fun? Or creepy?”
Maison rubs the back of his neck, his eyes skating around the table to where a few survivors are still sitting. Notably, Casey. This will probably get back to Carter, but Travis can’t get himself to care. “Trav, I wasn’t trying to-”
“Save it.” Travis turns his focus to Bryce, making eye contact with him, then moving on to Casey to do the same, and then Darian. “I apologize for raising my voice and ruining the rest of the meal. Good night.”
His friends all call after him, but he ignores them all in favor of grabbing himself a fresh beer from the fridge and heading to his room. He’s going to take a shower while he chugs the beer and then pass the fuck out.
He will not, under any circumstances, go to Carter. Their last time was the last time. Period.
Travis lasts 47 minutes. Then he’s on his way to Carter’s room.
He considers letting himself in like he had started to do before he left, but decides to knock instead. It takes longer than he’d like before the door opens, but it opens, and that’s all that matters.
Carter doesn’t look surprised when he sees it’s Travis. He doesn’t say a word, just turns with the door still open and walks back to his bed. Travis steps inside and quietly shuts the door behind himself. Then he leans back against it, giving the boy sitting on the edge of the bed some space. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“I wanted to…” Travis pauses, not entirely sure what he wanted to do. Other than to see Carter again. To maybe touch him. Hold him. Ask him for yet another one last time. But he supposes there’s one thing that’s more important than all that. One thing that matters most. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Why wouldn't I be?”
“Why would you be?” Travis counters with a soft laugh. “After what you’ve been through? And then me disappearing and being in danger? It’d be perfectly understandable if you weren’t.”
With a big sigh, Carter falls back on the bed, arms spread out wide like he’s about to make a snow angel. “I don’t know if I can have sex.”
A record scratches in Travis’s brain. “What?”
“It’s something Casey said. I just - I don’t know if I can have sex.” Carter drapes an arm over his face. “Is that stupid?”
“No. I’m sure the two of you aren’t the only ones wondering that.” Travis frowns. “But… we’ve had sex, Carter. And you did just fine, trust me.”
“But we haven’t. Not since I found out the truth. Not the kind of sex that counts.”
Travis shifts, trying hard not to move away from the safety of the door and close the distance between them. “Does that matter? You really think you wouldn’t be able to?”
“I… don’t know.” Carter laughs into his arm, the sound dry and angry. “But now it’s bothering the fuck out of me.”
“Okay…”
“Would you - I mean, if I were to-” Carter sighs heavily, then raises himself onto his elbows so he can look at Travis. “If I were to ask…”
“Are you asking me if I'd have sex with you?” Travis asks, his heart rate skyrocketing.
Carter winces. “Maybe?”
“As an experiment.”
“Yeah.” He sits up fully now, dropping his gaze to his lap. “That’s awful, isn’t it?”
Fuck no. Travis would give anything to be inside this boy one last time - experiment or not.
