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"I handled everything so well before that, but when he called me sweetheart, it just… broke something in me." Carter finally shifts so he can look at Travis. The man stares back at him, wide-eyed and ready for anything Carter might throw his way. "He wasn't you. I was flying high from the scene and feeling great and then he said that and I just crashed. Because it wasn't real happiness I was feeling. Because it wasn't what I needed. Because it wasn't you."
Travis blinks, but his eyes take a few extra seconds to open again. They're overwhelmed with emotions when he focuses them back on Carter. It sounds like he's choking on them all as he says, "But you won't let it be me."
"You're the one who sent me away."
"Stupid," he mumbles, shaking his head. "I've regretted it every day since."
Carter can't help but smile. "Yeah?"
"Absolutely. It's taken all of my self-restraint not to call or text or come watch you at work. I'm pretty sure I'm driving everyone nuts with my pacing and worrying and rambling. The guys even kicked me out of their poker game the other night because I couldn't stop zoning out thinking about what you might be up to. And last time I asked Maison for an update on you, he threw a pillow at my head and made a new rule that I was only allowed to ask once a day."
Carter feels warm all over, his smile widening. "You were asking more than once a day?"
"I was asking hourly," he admits, his cheeks turning an endearing pink. "What can I say? I fucking missed you."
"I missed you too."
Travis's eyes flash. "Yeah?"
"Of course." Carter touches his fingertips to the blush on Travis’s cheek, then drags his hand lower. Kiss him, a voice urges. Kiss the shit out of him. "Maybe we don't have to miss each other anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"Just because I'm doing my own thing right now and you're working to tie up loose ends and all that doesn't mean we can't be working on us too."
Travis goes perfectly still. His only movement is his lips as they try - and fail - to form words. Finally, he manages, "Are you saying you want to be together again?"
"Not again. Not like before. Something… new. Something healthy." Carter pauses to laugh awkwardly. "Well, something healthier. I'm not sure if us being together would ever be considered fully healthy, given our history. But I couldn't care less about that."
"I don't know how to do that," Travis whispers. There's fear in his voice. Anxiety. "I don't know how to be something new with you. I don't know what that looks like."
"Me either." Carter smiles. "Want to try and figure it out together?"
They talk a lot.
They talk every Tuesday and Thursday morning when Carter walks 5 minutes to campus for his class, Carter usually mumbling complaints about the cold weather and Travis mumbling complaints about being awake so fucking early. I mean, really Carter, Ace hacked into the entire system and you chose a fucking 8 am?
They talk while Travis cleans his gun after a session at the safehouse's small shooting range, Travis explaining how guns work and smiling to himself when Carter asks adorably oblivious questions. Travis tells Carter that when he feels up it Travis will teach him how to shoot, Carter nervously agreeing. Travis’s cock hardens in his pants when he pictures pressing his body up against the boy's as he helps adjust his form and holds his arms steady for the inevitable kick-back of the gun.
They talk while Carter grocery shops, something he usually does with Casey but isn't that day because Casey is having a hard time. Travis listens to Carter debate two brands of cheese while he weaves his way through the safehouse in search of Jake. They made a promise to each other - if either of their boys who aren't actually their boys but they desperately want to be their boys are struggling, they'll tell each other. Carter decides on the store brand cheese, wanting to save money even though he has plenty of it from Nathan Roarke. He's musing about wine when Travis finds Jake in his office. Travis comments to Carter, Look at you, being all fancy with your wine and cheese, while writing on a piece of paper for Jake: Casey having a hard time, won't leave his bed. Jake is up and out of his chair with a hurried thanks, already reaching for his security badge he'll need to exit the safehouse property.
They talk late at night when Carter calls after a nightmare, apologizing in a grief-soaked whisper for waking Travis up. I just - I woke up back in the compound and I was in the dog cage and you were laughing at me f-for believing I could ever be free. Travis's chest is tight with regret, his body aching to wrap Carter up in his arms. It was a nightmare, Carter, Travis promises. You're free. You're free. You're free.
It's a Friday when Travis gets to see him again. When Carter and Casey first left the safehouse, they agreed to come back for group therapy and Casey's one-on-one therapy. They had been giving excuses, promising to come once things are settled, but after Casey had a meltdown a few days ago Jake insisted they stop putting it off. Since Saturday group therapy is in the morning right after breakfast, they decided to stay the night tonight to avoid having to wake up early for the commute.
Nolan is making pot roast and mashed potatoes, flitting around the kitchen with excitement at getting to see his friends. Travis can't decide what's more interesting - Nolan's and Carter's surprising friendship, or the way Maison's eyes are glued to Nolan's every move.
It hasn't been that long, Travis knows that, but when Carter walks into the safehouse behind Jake and Casey it feels like Travis is seeing water after withering away in the desert. He wants to shove Carter against the nearest wall and fuck him silly. He wants to carry him to his room and spend hours gently taking him apart. He wants them to watch Harry Potter. He wants to listen to Carter's heartbeat. He wants to undress him and carefully check that he's still okay.
But they're not sure what they are yet, and Travis isn't about to ruin his chances by taking things too far, so he settles for shoving his untrustworthy hands into his jean's pockets and giving Carter a warm smile. "Hey you."
Carter's smile is slow, like he's waking up as his eyes come to rest on Travis. "Hey yourself."
"Hope you're hungry. Nolan is cooking enough for a small army. He's excited to see you guys."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm excited to see him too."
"Good.” Travis rubs at the back of his neck, feeling unsure and fucking hating it. “Listen, Carter, I was wondering if maybe you’d want to spend the night in my room. Not to… you know, but just to be together. Maybe watch a movie. Talk. Whatever.”
