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Something warms in me at the words. “Yes. It - it is.”
Jake’s smile loosens a little before he hitches his thumb toward the door. “I’m off to bed, then. It’s… late. If anyone gives you a hard time about the appointment, tell them to come talk to me, alright?”
“Oh.” I fight a wave of disappointment, reminding myself I just got what I wanted. What I needed. I don’t have to go to the doctor now. This is a small price to pay for that, isn’t it? “Okay.”
He heaves himself out of the water, grabbing his clothes in a fist and turning back to give me a look I can’t decipher. “Don’t stay in here too long, okay? Your body really does need rest. Especially if you’re not…” he trails off, but it’s not hard to figure out what he’s getting at. With me avoiding the doctor, the least I can do is take care of myself.
“I’ll get out soon,” I promise.
After a jerky nod, he turns and walks away without another word, the sound of the door closing an awful echo through the pool room. I look around myself, taking in the empty water surrounding me. It was calm and peaceful before, but now…
Now I’m unbelievably lonely.
I only last a few more minutes before dragging myself out of the pool, wiping down with a towel, pulling my clothes onto my still-damp skin, and hurrying off to my room. Jake isn’t there, but I tell myself he’ll come. Of course, he’ll come. We haven’t slept a single night without each other since he bought me. We promised to stick together. He must know I need him here, right?
I pull on my sweatpants and the crewneck he gave me, curling up on the bed with my dolphin against my chest. Anxiety creeps along my skin as a voice in the back of my mind tells me to get off the bed. That I don’t belong there. That without Jake here with me, I should be on the floor. I tell the voice to fuck off. Not because I’m tough and stronger than the urge to get on the floor, but because Jake will be here soon. I know he will.
But Jake never comes.
The survivor from group therapy who looks like the boy next door – and also had a mysterious moment with Travis - is in the kitchen when I go looking for something with caffeine. He gives me a gentle smile when I stop short at the sight of him. “Casey, right?”
“Uh, yeah.” I do my best to return the smile, knowing it probably looks terrible. “Sorry, you are…?”
“Nolan.” He gestures toward the fridge. “Looking for food? I just finished cutting up fruit.”
I frown. “They have you working?”
“I have me working.” He laughs, shuffling his feet self-consciously. “I’m going a little fucking crazy, to be honest. I mean, what did they expect us to do here? I’ve been a slave for years. If I spend any more time sitting in my room staring at the wall, I’m going to go fucking insane. Plus, I’ve always loved to cook, and I like making people happy and taking care of people or whatever, so… here I am.”
“Here you are.” I settle on a stool at the breakfast bar, figuring maybe I should stay for a few minutes. He seems like he could use a friend and since my best friend is still all wrapped up in Travis, I might as well lend my friend services here. “I’m not hungry, but I’d kill for something caffeinated.”
“Not sleeping well?” he asks, already moving toward a cabinet. I have a feeling he already knows this kitchen like the back of his hand. “Sorry, I don’t mean to pry. You don’t have to tell me. I talk when I’m nervous. As I’m sure you’re noticing. Gah. I’ll shut up. Tea or coffee?”
I smile, deciding that I like him. As long as he stops yelling at my best friend, that is. “Coffee, please.”
“Light roast, medium roast, dark roast, caramel vanilla, hazelnut, or mocha?”
“Oh jeez. Light, I think. And not a lot of it. I haven’t had coffee since…”
He ducks his head, nodding. “Yeah. Smart.”
A tense silence falls on the room as he heads over to the Keurig. He places a pod inside of it, then starts filling a mug with water and pouring it into the machine. His hand shakes as he presses the buttons. To get it started.
“I’m not,” I say quietly, somehow feeling like he’s safe to talk to. Safer than Jake, at least. If I admitted this to him, he’d be begging me to see the doctor again. “Sleeping, I mean. I can’t.”
“Seems to be a common problem around here.” He leans his elbows on the counter, tilting his head to look at me better. “Nightmares or insomnia?”
I sigh. “It’s the bed, I think. It feels like I’m crawling out of my skin when I’m in it alone. With my first owner, I was never allowed to be in bed. You know, for sleep, at least. When Jake bought me, he insisted I be in it with him. It took a while, but I got used to it because he wanted me to be there, and who am I to argue, you know? But now I’m alone and it feels…”
“Wrong,” he finishes for me, already nodding. “I can see that, yeah.
“I’m sorry to ask this, but how did you guys all sleep at the compound?”
“We had quarters, sort of. Too small spaces and too small beds, but we made do. I think I’d be having more trouble now if I was in a single room. It helps that I share with Matt. I mean, he doesn’t talk, he hasn’t in a long time now, but it helps to have him there still. It’s not so lonely.” He glances at the Keurig as it starts to hiss, then turns his attention back to me. “You must be lonely.”
I nod. “A little, yeah.”
“You and Carter are friends, right? Like, from before? That’s the rumor, at least. What everyone is saying here.”
