Page 103 of Drown in You

“I can’t believe I didn’t fucking see that. Jesus.”

“Jake, you have a lot on your mind. And though you knew logically that was a bad experience for him, it’s not stuck in your head because it wasn’t your trauma. It’s perfectly understandable that it wasn’t obvious to you.” He shrugs. “Besides, I could be completely wrong. It could be something different. Maybe a childhood thing. Or he's afraid to hear bad news so he's avoiding it. Or something else entirely. But if I had to guess, it stems at least partly from that doctor with DuGray, yes."

I rub a hand over my face, my chest heavy with worry. "He needs to see a doctor, though. A real one. The piece of shit at DuGray’s had talked about him almost going into septic shock. He was literally on his deathbed for a minute. And I'm sure he has a shit ton of other injuries that didn't heal right or need to be tended to."

"I absolutely agree." Dr. Singh pauses, seeming to consider something. Then he asks, "Does Casey seem to trust you?"

"I think so. To a point, at least.”

"Have you seen Dr. Deacon yet?"

"Not yet, no. I wanted all the survivors to go first. And Maison, obviously."

"Perhaps you should offer Casey the chance to come with you. He could just observe your check-up and then decide for himself if he wants one of his own after. No commitment either way."

I frown. "Do you think that would work?"

"I have no idea. But it's worth a shot. The worst thing that could happen is he says no again and you just let it go for a while. He's not dying anymore. There's some breathing room if he needs it. I don’t believe it’s something worth pushing too far."

"Yeah, okay.” I rub the back of my neck, already working on the wording to use when I speak to him. “That's a good idea. Thank you."

Dr. Singh just smiles and flips to a different page in his notebook. The next question he asks makes my slightly brighter mood plummet straight back down. "Now, before I can clear you to start working again, we need to discuss your time in the Roarke Compound. I often find it best to start at the beginning. So, tell me, Jake. What was your first night like as Benny Rivera?”

My plan was to go talk to Casey the moment I was done with Dr. Singh, but the therapist managed to dredge up a whole lot of shit I wasn't exactly prepared to deal with today by making me talk about some of the horrific things I witnessed during my time on the operation, the screams for help and sharp scent of blood rattling around in my mind like it all just happened. It leaves me in a weird headspace, one I don't want to be in with Casey.

I try getting my mind off things by working, but that quickly proves to be idiotic. Everywhere I turn, I'm faced with triggers. Talking with Ace about the search for Mica - the man who is the star of some of my worst memories - doesn't help in the least. Neither does looking at the reports of all the survivors we've managed to save so far. Sure, I'm thrilled we've saved so many already, but each report is riddled with so much misery and horror. And the survivor at the other safehouse who needed to be hospitalized? He fucking died.

If Casey doesn't get checked over by a doctor, he could die.

I can't put it off any longer, even if my head feels even more fucked than it already was. I go to Casey.

He eyes me warily when he opens the door to his room. I wonder what I look like, if maybe he can sense my distress. I can't get myself to care.

"Hey," he says softly.

“Hey." I rub at the back of my neck, trying to pace myself. I can't bulldoze him. It's not my place. I have to convince him, and I have to do so carefully. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah. Of course." He steps aside, letting me in. As he shuts the door behind me, he asks, "Busy day again?"

I huff. "You could say that, yeah. How was yours?"

"It was okay. I talked to one of the survivors. Nolan. It was nice, I guess. Talking with someone who gets it."

Do I not get it?

"Good. That's good." I force my posture to relax, hoping for a casual aura. "You know, Nolan has seen the doctor."

Casey's expression shutters before closing off completely. "Good for him."

Okay. Wrong move.

I switch gears. "I saw Dr. Singh today. That… sucked."

"Yeah?" His face softens with worry and sympathy. "You okay?"

"I will be. It was just a lot, you know?"

"I know." He smiles, but it's a sad one. "That's kind of why I've been avoiding him. I know he wants a one-on-one with me, but I'm sort of terrified of how bad it'll get if I let him poke around in my head."

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