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"But what if it doesn't? What if I spend all this time talking to doctors and going to therapy and trying to heal and it doesn't work? Then I just… what? Live a miserable life? Spend decades hating myself? Go around pretending I’m fine just to make everyone else around me feel better? I can't, Jake. I don't want to."
One of his hands strokes up my back before settling at the nape of my neck. His fingers work their way into my hair, almost like he's trying to get even closer to me. "Will you tell me? When the hope stops. When you decide that you can't keep trying. Will you please tell me before you… do anything?"
It seems like a fair enough request, but… "Will you try to talk me out of it?"
"I don't know." He laughs, but it's dry and anxious. "I have no idea what I'd do, but I can't walk into your room one day and find you…" He shudders, his fingers digging into my skin and scalp where each hand clings to me. "Please just tell me first."
I nod, figuring it's the least I can give him after all he's done. "I can do that."
"Promise?"
"Promise." I wrap my arms around him, bringing us even closer together. His chest rumbles with a sound of pleasure. If we hadn’t just talked about me killing myself, I might have teased him for purring like a cat. “Did I see our book earlier when you came outside?”
“Yeah. I thought maybe you’d want to read some more. It’s okay if-”
“Can we?” I ask before he can awkwardly try to explain away the possibility. “Can it be like before? When you read to me?”
I don’t know why I like that so much, but I do. It feels… safe. It feels like I can just let everything go and he’ll be there to carry it all for me. Kind of like when he took over in the bath. I don’t have a name for it. I don’t even understand it. But I want more. And maybe he does too because he makes that rumbly sound in his chest again before saying, “Of course. You get comfortable while I grab it.”
I do just that, working the towel over my hair before stealing some clothes from Jake’s dresser. I don’t feel as insecure about it as I once did. I definitely don’t let myself analyze that as I crawl into the side of the bed I always take and wait for him. He comes back right as I settle, his eyes falling to the football logo on my chest. His smile is almost proud. Cocky. Not in a mean way, but in a… possessive one. I feel that smile all the way to my fucking toes.
“Ready to read about some sexy werewolves?” he asks, taking off his wet shirt and tossing it aside before climbing onto the bed to join me. I look everywhere but at his bare chest.
“Definitely.” I hesitate though. He seems to catch on when he lifts his arm to invite me to curl up against his chest like usual and I don’t appear. I wait for his eyes to find mine, full of questions, before saying the one thing I have to get off my chest before I’ll be able to enjoy this with him. “I don’t want Carter knowing.”
“Knowing…” he trails off for a moment before understanding draws his features into a pinch. “Oh. Right. Are you sure? He’d want to be there for you.”
“I don’t want him to be,” I argue. “Carter has enough on his plate. I can do this on my own.”
Jake huffs softly before moving his arm and scooping me against him. His lips brush my forehead as he tells me, “You’re not doing this alone, little one. Don’t you remember? We agreed on forever.”
“Right.” I smile as I nuzzle against his bare chest, my hand coming to rest near his tattoo. If the dogs could move, they’d be able to snap their jaws and bite me. They can’t hurt me though. No one can. Not with Jake here to keep me safe. “Forever.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jake
It’s the middle of the night when my watch vibrates against my wrist, pulling me from a restless sleep plagued by images of Casey hurting himself. I check on Casey first despite my training, deciding that from now on he gets to be more important than any operation details. Or maybe not deciding it now but accepting it. I think I probably decided it quite a while ago if I’m being honest with myself.
Casey is sleeping peacefully against my chest, his dolphin pressed between his stomach and my ribs. I can’t keep a smile off my face as I watch his eyelashes flutter just a bit against his cheeks. God, I want him to be mine.
My watch vibrates again. I turn my wrist to check it. The notification is from front security. Travis just got back.
With a sigh, I gently move Casey off of me and tuck the blanket around him. He doesn't even stir, sleeping peacefully. As I pull on some clothes, I make a silent plea to whatever gods are running the show that he stays asleep until I’m back, so he doesn’t panic.
There are voices coming from the kitchen, too soft to make out. I figure it’s Travis talking to someone, so I head that way. I stop short when one of the voices rises enough to understand the words being said. “-else chase him? I mean, you just got back. Shouldn’t you get, like, a fucking vacation or something?”
I stand frozen in place, torn between saving Travis from what sounds like a verbal lashing from Carter or heading back to Casey and letting the two figure their own shit out. Whatever Travis needs to tell me about the mission and Mica can probably wait until the morning, right?
I can’t quite make out what Travis says in return, but Carter’s next words are clear, even though they tremble with emotion. “What about me?”
The words tug at my chest. I can’t even imagine how they must hurt Travis.
“Forget I said that,” Carter says quickly. “I don’t know why I just said that.”
“Carter-” Travis begins, his voice desperate.
Carter takes a step back, now close enough to the opposite hall for me to see him. “I’m glad you’re safe.” He takes two more steps, clearly retreating. “I’m - I’m really glad you’re safe.”
