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“You got your phone from Ace?”
“Yeah. And your number. And Travis’s. And Maison’s. And Ace’s.”
“Good.” He clears his throat. “I want you to call me anytime. Any hour of the day or night, Case. Let me be the one you call, okay?”
My chest goes tight. Why? Because I’m as special as you say? Or because you feel fucking guilty that I caught you in a lie?
I’m not sure if I want to know the answer. “Okay.”
We don’t talk after that, but the heaviness in the air between us makes it pretty obvious there’s a whole lot the both of us would still like to say.
I can’t decide if I’m relieved or disappointed when we pull up to the address Ace gave us for the apartment he leased in our new names. Jake parks on the street and looks at the brick building where I’m about to live with my best friend. I should feel excited about that, right?
Jake gives me a tight smile. "Let's go check it out. I bet it's great."
It's not exactly great. It's cramped and musty with a broken fridge and a toilet that tilts to one side. But we each have a room and there's a shower-tub combo, so I won't have to shower, and it's ours.
"Well," Maison says, taking it all in. "It's…"
"Perfect," Carter finishes for him, even though I don't think that's what Maison had in mind.
I can feel the excitement coming off my best friend in waves. He's practically bouncing with it. I force a smile and echo him. "Perfect."
Jake eyes me. I quickly look away before he can see right through my bullshit.
"It'll be better when the furniture we got you guys is delivered," Jake finally says. I can hear the frown in his voice. The worry.
Carter agrees with them, deciding to leave them behind while the two of us go shopping for the essentials. He doesn't ask me if I'm ready to go to a store, but he seems ready, so I put on a brave face and ignore Jake's stare as Carter pulls me out the door.
We accidentally run a stop sign, a car honking at us. Carter puts a hand over his mouth and giggles. "Whoops. Forgot about those."
I laugh a little too, mostly at how fucking ridiculous it is that we could forget about stop signs. It's safer to laugh about it. Otherwise, it's just really fucking depressing.
"Oh, sweet! A Target!"
He's out of the car before he even turns it off. I sigh, turning the keys in the engine and pocketing them. Thank god I came with him. I might be an emotional wreck, but this guy is a damn wrecking ball.
His idea of essentials is bedding and decorations. I have to remind him we need food and dishes and soap and toilet paper. He looks a little crestfallen, but then takes the reality check in stride.
It's when we're halfway through the cereal aisle, debating the merits of Frosted Flakes versus Cocoa Puffs that it hits me. This is it. It's fucking terrifying and I want to crawl out of my skin and every time someone looks at me I want to run until I can't breathe, but we did it. "Oh my god."
Carter startles, his box of Frosted Flakes almost falling out of his hand. "What?"
"We did it." I grin, but it feels sticky. It feels wrong. This all feels wrong. "We… won."
Just like we promised Elliot all those months ago in the cell before we were sold.
Just like we promised each other.
Is this winning? I don't know if I like it.
"Not quite yet," Carter says. It's a fucking relief, air filling my lungs. He feels it too. It's not just me. "But we will."
Jake and Maison leave around midnight, after Carter practically kicks them out. We have to promise a final time to not forget to do check-ins before they finally go, Jake's eyes lingering on me as Maison gives Carter a hug that Carter surprisingly returns in full. He explains after that they tentatively made up in the car on the way here. I fake a smile and tell him I'm glad, trying not to think about how I had wanted to fix things with Jake on the ride too and failed miserably.
He's giddy with excitement and I'm vibrating with anxiety cleverly disguised as excitement, so we split a bottle of wine and talk for a while before finally splitting ways to our separate bedrooms.
I had picked out a bedding set that matched the color of Jake's eyes, not caring how pathetic that makes me. I drag everything off the bed, making a nest on the floor just like I would at the safehouse, then dig in the one box I have for my dolphin. I stop when I see a familiar ball of gray fabric. My eyes fill as I carefully remove the sweatshirt with shaking hands, letting it unravel until I can see the word ARMY written across the chest. It had felt wrong to take it with me, so I'd snuck it into Jake's room while he was busy and left it folded on his bed. I don't know when he managed to slip it into the box, but I'm thankful for it. Putting it on feels like the closest thing to comfort I've had all day.
