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"In the hallway?"
"I didn't know if ya'd let me in." He frowns. "You're mad at me."
I don't argue. He may be drunk and sort of adorably pathetic at the moment, but I am still mad. He led me on. I'm pretty damn sure of it. And that's so unbelievably not fair.
How could he do that to me? He knows what I've been through.
I want to ask him, but now clearly isn't the time.
"I'm fine, Jake. You can go back to your room, okay?"
"No can do." He… salutes me, I think? "I’m here to stay."
"Jake…"
"Go. Sleep. Be right here if ya need me."
My heart does something complicated, like it's trying to love him and protect itself from him at the same time. It hurts.
"Just come in." I motion toward the door with a sigh. "I'm not going to be able to sleep if you're out here."
“You sure?”
“Not at all. So come in before I change my mind.”
He smiles, stumbling to his feet and using the wall to brace himself. His eyes widen in a sort of ‘woah’ moment before his smile broadens like he won a game instead of just successfully standing up without falling on his ass. I roll my eyes. “Come on, you dork.”
“Sir, yes, sir.” He salutes again, nearly poking his eye out in the process.
I can’t decide if I'm amused or annoyed.
I lead him into the room and lock the door behind us, leaving him behind to sway on his feet while I make up the bed. I spend more time than necessary smoothing out the blankets we’re about to ruffle anyway before finally making myself turn to look at him. The words, “Do you need to use the bathroom?” die the moment my eyes land on him. He’s taken the time to strip himself down to his boxer briefs. Which… is fine. That’s what he always sleeps in, so I guess it’d be weird if he didn’t this time. He did say he wants things to stay the same between us after all. To maintain our friendship.
But how can he just pretend nothing has changed?
"Maybe this was a bad idea," I admit, hating the way my body aches for him.
“I don't think it matters. I can’t stay away from you." He sounds anguished, his body swaying forward at the end of his confession. He uses the momentum to step forward, then again, until we’re within reach of each other. This time when he speaks, his voice is laced with desperation. “Why can’t I fucking stay away from you, Casey?”
My eyes burn, my throat tight with the urge to sob. “Why do you want to so badly?”
He shakes his head, his eyes squinting like he’s in pain. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“This is hurting me. You staying away. You trying to fight whatever we have.” I pause, making sure we're looking into each other's eyes before I ask the next part. “Because we do have something, don’t we, Jake? You feel it too?”
He releases a shaky breath, his hands opening and closing at his sides.
“Yeah,” he finally admits on a defeated exhale, his shoulders dropping like a weight has been removed with the confession. He closes the distance between us, pressing a warm hand to my cheek. He touches his thumb to the corner of my mouth. It shouldn’t be erotic, but my body floods with heat anyway. His voice is all gravel and desperation when he says, “I feel it too.”
“But it’s… tainted?”
“I - I don’t know.” He runs his thumb across my bottom lip. His voice is nothing but a whisper now, the words he speaks next making me ache. “How can something that feels this good be tainted?”
I dart my tongue out to wet my lips, noticing the way his breath catches when it brushes against his thumb. His cock grows hard where it's pressed against my hip. I shiver.
“I don’t care if it’s tainted," I say, trying to sound confident but pretty sure I come off desperate instead. "I want it anyway.”
“Christ, Casey.” His trembling hands frame my face. Our foreheads meet. “I have to fucking kiss you. Right now. Please? Can I? Can I kiss you, baby boy?”
