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I’ve learned a few new words since coming here, though. Probably the most important one being esclave.
Slave.
My new identity.
All I exist to be.
How in the world did I let myself forget that?
I deserve this punishment.
When it’s over, I’ll make sure to thank Master for helping me remember.
I’m so tired.
So, so tired.
How long can someone survive without sleeping? Have I slept? There are black moments in my mind, but I’m not sure if they’re from sleep or not. I don’t remember ever waking up, so I must not have ever fallen asleep, right? Isn’t that how sleeping works? I can’t even remember anymore.
My eyes can’t focus on anything. My body is trembling so hard my cuffs are rattling. I think I’m dying. I don’t know if it’s from thirst or exhaustion. I don’t think it matters.
I startle, hearing the sound of shoes on the floor. But no one comes. And I didn’t hear the door open. Did I imagine it?
A zap of electricity makes my body convulse. I don’t pee this time - haven’t had anything to pee out in quite a while, I think. I don’t scream either. My throat stopped being able to make sound when the guards were last here. A tear might fall down the side of my face, but I might be imagining it. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes I feel things on my body that aren’t there when I look.
Am I going crazy?
Does that happen before you die?
I think I’d like to die.
I think that’d be really nice.
Carter is here.
He’s standing beside my bench, a sad smile on his face, his eyes rimmed red and full of tears. I try to reach for him, but my hands are stuck. I try to say something, but my tongue is clumsy and dry, nothing but a soft moan coming out.
We just stare at each other.
Something is moving inside me. It’s big. It hurts. I don’t look to see what it is, too afraid Carter will disappear if I take my eyes off him. I don’t even let myself blink.
Something cold and wet lands on my stomach.
Where is his master? Is he here to be punished like me? Is he dying too?
I want to tell him I’m sorry for forgetting my place. I made a mistake and it got him hurt.
My eyes burn and blur. I blink, struggling to open them again. When I finally manage, Carter is gone.
I sob without sound or tears, just my body shaking and heaving.
I jolt, my eyes snapping open. A man is staring at me through my open legs, one eyebrow raised. I don’t recognize him. He’s dressed in a nice suit, like Master. When he speaks, his accent is thick, but not French. Irish? Is that… Irish? “Nice nap?”
Nap? Was I asleep?
I blink at the man. My body feels heavy. My mouth is stuck shut from lack of saliva.
“I could only give you two hours,” the man says. His fingers are moving against my hole. They’re rubbing something into it. I can’t feel what it is. In fact… I can’t feel anything down there. “Someone is coming soon. Can you hang on until then?”
