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Travis makes a choking sound, sitting up straight. “Fuck. Really? That was… brave of him.”
"Yeah. I set myself up for it now that I think back. I could tell he wanted to ask me something and I all but demanded he do it. The words seemed to have sort of tumbled out then. He apologized after, obviously. Looked terrified that I was going to punish him for it." I laugh humorlessly. "He said it wasn't his place to ask. How fucked up is that? Not his place. It's his body, for fuck's sake."
“Yeah, this life does a fucking number on their minds. Even I managed to fuck up Carter’s head before telling him the truth. You remember, don’t you? He begged me to kill him. To put him out of his misery.”
How could I forget? Travis was fucking distraught. He was trembling when he came to my door to talk to me, his eyes wide and haunted.
“I used Casey’s name," I admit. "It… upset him.”
“Yeah. Don’t do that again. Don’t try to make him see he’s not a slave. Don’t force it. First step is telling him the truth. The rest will unfold when he’s ready.”
“But it’s his name.”
“Not anymore, man. It’s safer for him to disconnect. Carter did it too, when things got really bad. He begged me to just let him be my slave. Begged me not to make him be Carter."
That makes me feel a little better, at least. If Carter had that reaction and is relatively okay now, then maybe Casey can recover too. It’ll be a part of their past and shape them into a new version of themselves, but I don’t think they'll be a part of the survivors who succumb to the darkness of their memories. At least, I fucking hope not…
But if there's any chance, Casey needs to be brought into the loop.
I lean back in the chair and meet my friend's eyes. "I'd like to tell Casey the truth the day after the party. There's no reason to wait any longer.”
"I agree. Let's get this party out of the way and then hash out the details." Travis sits up, resting his arms on the desk. He sets his shoulders and clasps his hands together, then lifts his chin. It's a position I’ve seen him take many times, usually when asserting power. He's never used it on me before. I understand why he's using it now when my friend speaks again. "I'll need to do something with Carter for the birthday tradition. Everyone will be expecting it."
The birthday tradition. A fun little thing all the slave owners do where they beat their slaves for the number of years they're turning. Just another excuse to cause pain and misery for entertainment.
I hide my grimace, putting on a strong front for my friend. We can't both get emotional over Carter, and Travis certainly can't be the one to put his emotions aside. He's in love with the boy, after all. Hopelessly and recklessly in love. This falls on me. Just like everything else seems to. "Would you like me to plan something and tell you what you'll be doing?"
"No," Travis says, his voice tight. "I want to plan it with him. I’m going to suggest some spanking and flogging, then fucking him. I’ll let you know what we fully decide on. But in case things go sideways or for some reason need to… escalate, I need you to have my back."
"Always, man. You know that."
Travis nods, his gaze dropping to the desk. "I think I might bring him outside tonight."
I take a slow, deep breath and remind myself that killing my best friend isn't something I should do. "I really wish you wouldn’t do that.”
“He’ll be outside tomorrow. I don’t want it to overwhelm him and he misbehave, you know? I don’t want a repeat of what happened when he saw Casey at the party.”
I shudder, not only not liking the reminder of what happened to Carter then, but also remembering what happened to Casey in a new light now that I’ve gotten to know him better. “Okay. So… you’ll bring him outside then. On a fucking leash, yes? And on his knees?”
“Of course. We’ll be careful.”
“Very fucking careful, Travis,” I say firmly, knowing the effect my friend’s real name will have on him. He meets my gaze again, his breath shaky when he releases it. “Buddy, we are so fucking close to this being over. We’re going to save him. Them. Carter and Casey. And all the others too. But you have to keep it together for these last few days, okay?”
"I know."
"You have to."
“I know. I promise. I know.”
I watch him for a few more seconds, not entirely convinced. Sure, Travis knows now. But the minute he has Carter's big blue eyes on him, he'll be back to putty in the boy's hands.
Not for the first time, I find myself wishing I’d caught on to Travis’s growing feelings for the boy sooner. By the time I realized he cared for Carter more than just as Carter's brother's best friend and an operative, it was too late. Travis falling for Carter Beckett is just about the most idiotic fucking thing the man could pull, yet here we are. Travis is head over heels, completely fucked, no-holds-barred, in love with the boy. Now it's on me to keep it from ruining everything.
God, I can't wait for this operation to be over.
"Get some sleep," I say as I push out of the chair. "Big day tomorrow."
"Yeah. Sure thing. You try to sleep too."
