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“Yeah, I can see that.”
“Come on. We’re running late. It’s my job to keep that knucklehead on track. If it wasn’t for me, he’d lock himself in that closet with Carter and ignore all responsibilities.”
I laugh softly, having a feeling he’s not too far off the truth with that. “Lead the way.”
After a tear-jerking goodbye between Carter and Nathan like they’ll never see each other again, and a stilted goodbye between me and Jake, Carter and I struggle to find the same happy energy we had before. He ends up just turning a movie on while we snack for a while, taking our time and easing back into conversation. We end up talking about a ton of little things and all the big things too - though nothing post-kidnapping, the two of us still thankfully avoiding that topic.
The guys gave us a time limit for updates. If we don’t hear from them every 6 hours, we have to reach out to Maison. Carter uses that as his excuse for being glued to his phone all the time, but I don’t buy it for a second. He smiles like a total lovestruck idiot every time his phone lights up with a text from Travis. I smirk at him, but I’m secretly a little jealous. I wish Jake would have given me my own phone. I know I don’t need it, since Carter and I are together, but… it’d be nice to get texts too.
To try to distract us from, well, everything, Carter brings me back into the closet and pulls out the files he told me about. He seems excited as he starts handing some to me, warning me that the files might be sad, but they also bring him hope. It helps him to see all the people he’s going to help save by hanging in there with the operation.
I’m not entirely sure I feel the same. Every face I see makes me wonder if that face belongs to someone who feels just like me. Someone broken beyond repair. Someone who, even after learning of their freedom, even after being told they’ll get a happy ending, craves a quicker ending instead. Because that’s the thought that’s lingering in the back of my mind, isn’t it? How nice it would be for it all to just… stop.
The thought of pretending to be okay for the rest of my life. Of trying to open up and heal. Of spending night after night trapped in nightmares, day after day trying to be normal, trying to smile for my friend who is so clearly going to be okay - it all sounds fucking exhausting.
At some point, I stop looking at the files. When Carter notices, he gives me a sad smile and quietly puts them away.
We watch another movie instead.
Carter grows agitated as we approach four hours without an update - the longest stretch so far. We’re lying in bed, the emotions of the day taking their toll on us. Despite how exhausted I am, I can’t fall asleep. Not with Carter’s panic like a neon sign beside me.
“Still no text?” I ask, knowing full well there hasn’t been one.
“No…”
“I’m sure he’s just busy. There’s plenty of time.”
Carter blinks up at the ceiling. “I know.”
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
“Hmm?” Carter asks, playing dumb - and sucking at it.
“Nathan,” I say, using the name he seems to prefer for the man. I turn to face him, pressing my cheek against my pillow. He’s lying perfectly still like I might attack or something. Maybe because he’s terrified of his answer? I push the issue. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
“I-” Carter makes a sound, almost like his throat closes in on itself. His fingers tighten on the phone he’s holding against his chest. He peeks over at me, his eyebrows pulling in. “Maybe. A… little. Does that make me terrible?”
“No.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” I smile softly. I’ve experienced a lot of terrible things in my life, but love? That’s not one of them. “Tell me about it.”
“About loving him?” Carter asks nervously. I nod, my smile growing as I watch his cheeks fill with red in the dim lighting of the room. “I don’t know. It - it happened slowly. They didn’t tell me the truth right away. I don’t know if Benny mentioned that or not, but they tried to keep me in the dark about all of this at first. I thought I was a slave. I mean, I was a slave, for all intents and purposes. It wasn’t until after the party where we saw each other, after Nathan punished me and I got hurt really badly, that he told me the truth.”
I nod, the details matching with what I remember. “I was wondering. You didn’t seem like you were acting that night.”
“I wasn’t. I was terrified.” Carter releases a shaky breath. “I thought you were going to die. I was watching what they were doing and I - God, Casey, I thought for sure you’d die.”
“I thought so, too…”
In fact, I’d hoped so. All I had wanted was for those men to finally kill me. Finally set me free.
“I’m really fucking glad you didn’t,” Carter admits.
He’s smiling, so I force one of my own. I’m not entirely sure I agree yet, but Carter doesn't have to know that. “Don’t change the subject. Tell me about you and Nathan.”
“It just… happened. He could be so kind sometimes. Gentle. He’d hold me. Take care of me. He gave me a day off once and we cuddled and watched Harry Potter and he made me laugh. And sometimes he’d give me my consent in the bedroom, and we’d have sex that was… good. Perfect, really. I just - I don’t know. I fell. At some point, I fell for him.”
