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“And he fell back?”
Carter shrugs. “He says he did. I don’t know. Part of me still worries that was just part of his act, you know? Like he acted in love with me because it’d make me feel better.”
I nearly scoff. “That’s so not true.”
“What do you mean?”
I laugh then, realizing my friend is crazy if he doesn’t see what I have. “That man looks at you like you’re the fucking sun. When you asked him to wait earlier and ran up to him, I could see it. Clear as fucking day. He must either be a damn good actor or his men are fucking idiots because he’s very in love with you.”
“Yeah? You think?”
“Totally.” I scoot closer to him, grinning. I want to live vicariously through Carter for this next part. There’s probably no future in which I’ll enjoy these things, but I bet Carter will. “Is the sex good? I mean, the consensual stuff, obviously.”
“Oh my god, so good,” Carter admits, his eyes wide, his grin wider.
The two of us giggle together, the feeling damn near miraculous after everything we’ve been through.
It feels good enough for me to admit, “Ugh, I miss sex.” I roll onto my back after the words are out, sighing heavily. “I’m kind of worried I’ll never be able to enjoy it again after everything…”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to enjoy anything after this…” Carter shrugs. “But I promised I’d try.”
I shove away all the heavy feelings in my chest, focusing instead on lightening the mood by teasing him. “Promised Naaathaan?”
He tries not to smile but fails. “Maybe.”
“What happens after this anyway? We just… go back to normal? Back to college and stuff?”
“I think it’s an option, yeah. But there’s the option of a safehouse too. And new identities, I think. I don’t know the details. Nathan and I don’t exactly communicate well these days.” Carter laughs, but it sounds forced. Awkward.
“What will you do?” I ask, trying not to panic at the thought of him not being around. “Will you go to the safehouse or whatever?”
“I think so. I don’t know. At least at first? Probably?”
“It’s hard to think about an after. Weird. I didn’t think there’d ever be anything more than…” I trail off, not interested in finishing the thought. Not interested in anything to do with my old master. I wave a hand like I can push it all away. “It still feels too scary. I mean, it’s not guaranteed, right? Things could go wrong. So many things. And then the future will get ripped away.”
Carter closes his eyes tight enough to make the skin around them wrinkle. “I know…”
“Sort of makes me wish I didn’t know the truth. Almost. Or not. I don’t know.” I sigh, my chest aching. “This is nice. Tonight. With you. This - I needed this. So maybe I don’t wish that. But if it all goes wrong…”
“I know.” Carter reaches across the bed to put his hand over mine. I turn my hand so we’re palm to palm, slotting our fingers together. I stare at where we’re joined in wonder. It wasn’t long ago at all that I believed I’d never touch a human being like this again. Gentle. Loving. Comforting. It wasn’t long ago that I believed I didn’t even deserve this.
A part of me still believes I don’t. Had I fought hard enough? Held out long enough? Did I really let myself become a slave so easily? Should I have tried harder to escape? Should I have gone through with my plan to end it all?
"I know,” Carter says again. And I can’t help but wonder if Carter knows all of it. Everything I was just thinking. I can’t help but wonder if Carter maybe feels the same.
“We’ll be together either way though,” I say, though it’s more like a question. Like I’m begging my friend to agree. “That’s nice, right?”
“Yeah.” Carter squeezes my hand. “Really fucking nice.”
“But, like… this shit better work out because I need to learn what happens between you and Nathan,” I add, trying to lighten the mood again even as my voice trembles. “I’ll be pissed if the two of you get away with some bullshit cliffhanger ending, alright? I want a real one. Happy or not.”
Carter laughs. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Chapter Sixteen
Jake
I’m dead on my feet by the time we get back to the compound. Mexico went almost startingly smooth, the shift in reign damn near flawless. Seems when men are given enough money, drugs, and sex slaves, they don’t really care who their boss is anymore. Especially when their boss treated them like shit in the first place.
