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My knees buckle. I slowly lower myself to the floor before they can give out, resting back against the cabinets beneath the double sinks. “I thought you weren’t going to do that.”
“They weren’t going to prep him.” Jake shudders, his eyes squeezing shut. “If I went first, I could - I could do my best to prep him. And my cum would…” he trails off, his body heaving. Some bile dribbles out of his mouth into the bowl.
He doesn’t have to finish. How many times was I thankful that my hole was loose and wet when a man raped me?
“Maison needed you,” I whisper. Taking a chance, I raise my hand and rest it between Jake’s shoulder blades. When he relaxes beneath the touch, I start slowly rubbing circles there. “Maison needed you, and despite how much it hurt you, you were there for him. I’m proud of you for that, Jake.”
Jake just rests his forehead on his arm and breathes heavily. I continue rubbing his back, finding myself enjoying the quiet. I never thought I’d be comfortable enough to just sit like this with a man again. Even with Carter, it made me feel sort of… itchy. But this is nice.
Well, as nice as it can be, considering the circumstances.
"I'm sorry," Jake says eventually, sounding utterly miserable. "You shouldn't have to take care of me like this."
I smile to myself. "I don’t mind."
"I should have just left you with them. With Carter and Travis." He laughs, but it's angry. "I'm a selfish bastard."
"I’m glad you came for me,” I admit, moving my hand to his shoulder and gently squeezing. “We promised, remember? I would have been pissed if you left me there.”
Jake lifts his head to look at me, his eyes impossibly intense. “I'm sorry about earlier. About testing your gag reflex in front of them.”
I drop my gaze, not wanting him to see any sort of emotion in my expression. “It’s fine. Honestly, it could have been much worse."
"Still…" He sighs. "And the shit they said about you. I hate that I couldn't correct them."
I shrug, hating that my cheeks are burning. "Speaking of - I'm sorry for trying to… suck you. At the table, I mean. I forgot myself. I knew it was supposed to just be warming. I didn't mean to upset you or anything."
He’s quiet long enough for me to look at him again. His eyebrows are pulled together, his lips curved down in a frown. “You talk like I wouldn’t want you to suck my cock.”
“Well, I mean... I’m sort of gross.” I look away again before he can see the tears starting to gather in my eyes, forcing a laugh. “I understand why you wouldn't-”
“Don’t fucking say that." He reaches over, gripping the back of my neck and hooking his thumb under the corner of my jaw. He uses the hold to tilt my head until I’m forced to meet his gaze. “Don’t you ever let someone make you feel that way. You are beautiful, Casey. You’re incredibly fucking strong. You’re a survivor. And anyone would be fucking lucky to have you.”
Even you?
I want to ask it so fucking badly, but I'm afraid of the possible answers. Afraid of rejection. Afraid he might actually want me.
My eyes burn, but his grip only tightens when I try to pull away from him. The first tear drops down my cheek. I want to wipe it away, but my hands feel frozen in my lap.
Jake tilts his head to look at me better, his hand sliding up so his thumb can brush away the tear. Slowly, so I have time to pull away, he leans in to press a kiss to the damp spot left behind. It feels like the most intimate thing I’ve ever experienced, making me dizzy as warmth floods my veins.
“It’s almost over, little one,” he murmurs, pulling back to give me a smile. “This time tomorrow, you’ll be at the safehouse.”
“You’ll be there too, right?”
"Of course. I won’t travel with you. We plan on sending you and Carter ahead of us while we wrap everything up. But I'll be there soon after. And that's where I'll be staying for the foreseeable future."
"Good." I eye the man for a moment before slowly pressing my face harder against the palm of his hand. “I would… miss you.”
“I’d miss you, too,” he admits. “Come here.”
I go easily when he maneuvers me into his lap, tucking my head beneath his chin and sinking against his bare chest as his arms come to wrap around me. I’m fairly certain I feel his lips brush against my temple. And his fingers definitely start stroking up and down my spine. It’s ridiculously comforting. A soft laugh falls past my lips.
“What?” he asks, sounding amused.
“I’m supposed to be the one comforting you.”
“This is doing that,” he murmurs, his lips definitely touching my temple again. His arms tighten around me. “This right here is exactly what I needed, sweet boy.”
