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The swimming pool.
My legs are like fucking jelly, barely able to carry me with every step I force them to take. It’s a long walk. Or maybe it just feels that way because it’s the fucking swimming pool. I have to actively try not to barrel over Jake, wishing he'd walk faster as he leads me through the house.
I know the moment we're close. Even before Jake opens the door for me, I can sense it. It's like a siren song, calling me home.
Jake opens the door before stepping aside, letting me walk in first. My breath hitches after the first step.
The air.
Warm. Muggy. Thick with chlorine.
The entire world settles. Calms.
I know I'm crying, can feel the tears starting to spill down my cheeks, but I don't care. I'm too focused on the green-blue water with the warm glow of lights reflecting off the surface. My stomach swoops with excitement as I lurch toward it.
“Woah there.” Jake grabs my elbow, stopping me before I can dive in. “Slow down, Case.”
My heart threatens to shatter. I can’t even look at the man beside me when I whisper, “Y-you’re not going to let me?”
“Hey, no, of course I am.” Jake uses his hold on my elbow to turn me toward him, his eyes warm and soft. “I’m not the boss of you here, Casey. None of us are. You can do whatever you want. I just wanted to offer you something first.”
I look at the hand he raises, realizing what he means. He's holding a pair of black compression shorts.
Something… unravels in me. He's brought me to the pool. He planned ahead with shorts. He's going to let me swim.
He didn't just save my body. He's going to save my soul too.
It takes me a moment to be able to say, “Thank you,” and my voice is wrecked when I manage it.
Jake doesn't seem to mind. "Of course. There's a changing room over there, if you'd like."
It seems silly considering how much he's seen me naked, but I figure it's about time I get used to things like privacy again. The concept won't get any easier if I avoid it. With another thank you, I hurry off to the room and strip out of my clothes, nearly falling over in my haste to get the shorts on. Jake is in the same spot as before when I return, but his smile grows tight as I approach him.
"Good, they fit. I'll leave you to it, then. If you need anything, there’s an emergency button here under this grate.” He walks over to the edge of the pool and taps the toe of his shoe against a white grate that must be able to lift to have the red button beneath pressed. “It’ll alert Ace, who is our tech guy. Or whoever is covering his system if he’s taking time off. It’ll also send an alert to all of our phones. There’s another button by the door and another in the bathroom. Okay?”
“You’re… not staying?” I ask, suddenly not so sure about this whole swimming thing.
This house is just so fucking big. And there are so many things that could go wrong. What if I get in the water only to realize I don't like it anymore? What if I get triggered? What if I get lost trying to get back to my room? What if I run into someone I don't know and they hurt me?
"Please stay," I let myself beg, not caring that it's selfish. He's exhausted. He probably needs to sleep. To eat. Or maybe he even has more work to do that I'm keeping him from. But this moment has the potential to break me, and I need him here. "You don't have to swim, but please don't leave. I'll - I'll be quick, I promise. Five minutes."
Jake's whole body seems to soften in relief, like maybe he didn't actually want to leave either. "Of course. I'll hangout on the lounge chair. But take as long as you want, okay? Please don't rush."
"Okay." I turn back to the pool, my body starting to vibrate as reality sinks in.
I can't believe this is happening.
I can't believe I'm about to swim again.
Instead of diving, which might not be the best for my still-healing body, I take the stairs instead. The water is the perfect temperature, gently lapping at my ankles. Then my calves. My knees. Thighs. I shudder like always when the water hits my balls, a smile tugging at my lips as I remember the way me and my friends would howl dramatically at morning swim practice. Time to wake up, boys, my best friend from high school would always yell. The boys being our cocks and balls, of course.
I feel the urge to laugh at the memory. It feels good. Warm inside my chest. Something very close to happiness.
I push off the last step. My muscles take over, remembering exactly what to do as my body glides through the water.
It feels like coming home.
Chapter Twenty
