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“There is no blank slate for us, Slade. Not for you, not for me, not for Jagger. Too much has happened to us. Our pasts have already shaped us.The prologue of our story began years before we ever became an us. We can’t just skip over that to get to the good part. Not in real life.”
He closes his eyes for a moment, letting my words sink in. For a second, I think he’s going to nod and agree, give up at the latest hurdle, and walk away. I’m surprised that it still hurts as much now as it did before.
Only when he opens his eyes, there’s a look of pure possession blazes from the depths of them. I know then I’ve underestimated the lengths this man will go to.
I can’t see my own future, but I don’t need to be psychic to see how this is going to play out. They’re going to win. They’re going to break me down, and I’m going to let them. Because as much as they’ve hurt me, I’m more alive with them than I’ve ever been before.
“I love you.”
I swallow hard at his soft words.
“I’m in love with you, and nothing you can say or do will change that. You know what I think?” He leans closer, his fingers now skating over my collarbone. “I think you love me too. You love both of us, and it terrifies the fucking hell out of you. We might not have started on the same page, but we’ll finish together. By the time we’re done, we’ll be so intricately woven together you’ll never be free.”
He leans closer and kisses me softly. “I don’t have all the answers, Astrid. I wish I did,” he says before pressing his forehead against mine.
“All I know is I was meant to love you.”
“Then why”—I sob quietly— “does it hurt so much?”
“It hurts because you care. Because it’s real.”
I close my eyes and breathe him in, my emotions crashing around me as I topple off the cliff of anger into the jagged rocks below. I keep my eyes closed as my tears fall. I taste them on my lips before they drip from my chin into the water below.
“Astrid.” The sound of my name on his lips like the sweetest torture. Pleasure laced with poison, his lips skimming down my throat and hovering over my rapidly beating pulse. A threat and a promise that this man has the ability to kiss me sweetly and rip out my jugular with one aimed strike.
He moves, and I hear the pop of a bottle being opened before his soapy hands start to glide over me, starting at my shoulders before working their way down my back. His actions are commanding yet soothing, allowing me to slip into an almost trance-like state.
“Lie back, pet. Let me take care of you.”
I do as he asks without thought or fight, keeping my eyes closed—refusing to pull myself from my dream-like state and let reality invade.
His hands smooth over my collarbone and down to my chest as he washes my breasts with a touch so tender it almost brings more tears to my eyes. His hands move down my body until he reaches my legs. He hooks his hand under my bent knee and lifts my leg over the edge of the bath, opening me up for him. A soft sigh leaves my lips before I can pull it back, his fingers stroking over my sensitive clit before dipping inside me.
“I like taking care of you. I never got to do that for anyone before. My siblings were older than me. And when I enlisted, I was one of the youngest. Same when I went to prison. I knew how to take care of myself, but what did I know about taking care of someone else? Hell, I’d never even had a dog before. Then Salem came along, and she was so…” His voice trails off, searching for the right word.
I know what he means, regardless. There is something endlessly sweet about Salem. No matter what life threw at her, somehow, the enormity of her gift seemed to round out the sharp, jagged edges someone like me picked up along the way. I can’t help but be a bit jealous.
“Salem is easy to love,” I say quietly. Unlike me. But I don’t say that out loud. Opening my eyes, I look at him and find him staring at me, his eyes finding mine.
“She is. Loving her was effortless and safe. I could care for her like a sister. She was never mine, so I never had to worry about causing her any damage. I knew Oz and Zig would keep her safe from everyone, including me.”
I reach out my hand and touch his cheek. The bleakness in his eyes calls to the hollow parts of my soul, urging me to act as a balm and soothe him the way he can soothe me.
“And then there was you. You are anything but safe and easy. But God, I wanted you more than I wanted air, and it pissed me off.”
I can’t help but grin at that. A part of me revels in the fact that a nobody like me can have such a profound effect on someone like him.
He turns his face into my hand and kisses my palm. “Loving you is like trying to hold fire. So fucking beautiful, yet touching you opens me up to an endless world of pain. I wasn’t ready for you. I’m supposed to be a badass mercenary. And yet here I am, kneeling before a fairy tale princess, scared out of my fucking mind.”
He pulls back and offers me his hand. I look at it for a moment, trying to see all the strings attached to it. In the end, I let my heart guide me and slide my hand into his.
He pulls me up and reaches over to grab a towel before wrapping it around my body. He lifts me out and pulls me tight to his chest.
“I’m scared,” he admits once again. I can’t lie and say I don’t find it incredibly sexy that he’s just opened himself up and shared his weakness with me.
“Scared, I’ll fuck up again. Hell, I’m scared I’ll get it right. But I won’t run, Astrid. I’ll fight. And right now, I need you to fight too. Fight for what the three of us could have. Fight for me, even knowing I’ll mess up again, and you’ll have to kick my ass for it.” He lowers his mouth until his lips hover over mine. “Fight for you, for the lonely, invisible girl you used to be. I see you, Astrid. I see you.”
His whispered words are my undoing. My legs crumple as sobs wrack my body. He lifts me with ease and carries me out into the bedroom, where Jagger is waiting, his concern clear on his face. Slade places me in the center of the bed and climbs in behind me as Jagger lies down in front of me.
