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Leaving me alone with the looming figure behind me.
Eleven
Dee
“I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry, Dee.” Landon’s eyes are so big I can see my reflection in his black frames as well as the inky depths of his gaze as he comes so close he almost reaches for my hand.
Somehow this sorry doesn’t make me feel better. It just feels like he is twisting the knife in my gut that he helped stab me with. Landon’s voice may be filled with some form of regret but people can fake an awful lot of things. Regret being one of them.
My mother apologized more often than she told me she loved me.
I’ve heard a thousand apologies when I all I really want is one real ‘I love you’. And I never realized that until right now.
I take a sharp inhale, making myself meet his gaze. Fury ignites inside me. An emotion that I managed to unlock while I froze my ass off wandering the locker room halls without clothes on. At this point, I’ll be happy if they catch me in the act of breaking into every one of those lockers on camera and send me away.
I pray they take me away from this living hell.
I’m done. I’m so done with everyone.
Including good guy, golden boy, Landon Scott.
“Fuck your sorry.” My voice trembles with so much rage my whole body shakes. “Sorry doesn’t do anything, Landon. Sorry is for bandaids and slips, not needles and counselors. I have to see a counselor who’s just waiting for me to pick up a habit and hit someone in a fucking Circle K parking lot just like my mother. Because of you. Because I wanted to kiss you and you wanted someone–anyone else.”
I push my finger into his chest. I don’t know who planted the needle. I don’t know who stole my clothes. Him or Knox or Reed, it doesn’t matter. They made my life what it is at this moment.
And I hate them for.
The only men I’ve ever cared about, made me hate them far faster than they ever made me fall in love with them.
And I think I was in love with them from the moment we met.
“Because you wanted to kiss me?” Landon’s brows bunch together, his voice unsure even as he says the words.
I shake my head at him my hands trembling at my sides. “You are ruining my life. Ruined my life.” I step closer, his body heat breeding into mine in a delicious way. “And you’re asking me about a fucking kiss.” With a tilt of my head, I let my breath fan against his parted lips. “I wanted to know what all those other girls felt like. I wanted something so innocent.” My fingers drag down his chest, his gaze dropping to my mouth. “I wanted the most minute amount of affection.”
I’ll shatter these boys like they’ve shattered my entire life. My senior year, my dreams of college, my aspiration of becoming something better than my mom. I hope they’re happy. They may have finally broke me, but they’re not prepared to handle the jagged pieces that are left.
Tenderly, I let my lips meet his. I let myself kiss him ever so slowly. I wanted this all along. He did too. It’s the sweetest kiss that’s never felt so vile.
Maybe that’s what hate does; it takes pure innocence and makes it dark and deadly.
Just like me.
Pulling myself away, he follows me, chasing after my lips. It’s the first time he’s really chased me.
He’s a little too late.
“I wanted something so sweet. And all it brought me was pain.” I let every ounce of bitterness fill my words. He isn’t worth another glance as I shove past him.
I finally got one terrible thing I always wanted. A real kiss.
Happy fucking birthday, Violet Demure.
Every single day I return to Mournmount Academy is a blur of knotting, twisting feelings. The emotions are eating away at me from the inside out. It’s making me stronger. Or at least, less worried about what others think or what they’ll do next.
Because, what’s the fucking point?
Today I’m not raising my hand to answer the teachers’ questions. I’m uncaring when someone points out that I didn’t wear knee high socks or hosiery under my navy pleated skirt. Instead of giving a response to them, or anyone I just tug the hoodie I stole from Knox’s locker closer to me and hide myself further under the hood.
