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Inside I’m nothing but turmoil. I’m made up of a chaotic mixture of a sexless sex drive, the petrified feeling of someone who doesn’t want to be hurt anymore, and guilt from the feeling you’ve ruined a friendship. It’s all churning deep down, low in my gut.
And I’m sick of it.
“How will you get to school?” Landon asks. An obvious question, I’ve asked myself too.
“I’ve got myself to school just fine for years now. Wasn’t really too worried about it. I start work at the pool on Monday too.”
Reed takes a step backwards. Landon blinks at me in confusion. Both of them look repulsed and almost blatantly afraid.
“The pool. The...public pool? Reed spits out that phrase like the word ‘public’ has a taste accompanied with it and that taste is poorness, I’m sure of it.
“Sorry we can’t all live the same spoiled life of luxury the three of you manage.” I roll my eyes, my shoulder meeting his as I stand and attempt to shove past them.
Reed grabs my arm pulling me back until he has me placed firmly between him and the island table. His lips press together as he watches me intensely.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” I ask, tipping my chin up in defiance.
He sighs deeply. “Give up. Don’t give up like this.”
I’m not giving up. How dare he even say it like that? I’m working with what I’ve got. What I’ve got is a mother who would rather get high and steal, no money to my name, and an entire school that hates me. And three shit bag guys who used to be my friends.
That’s it.
I have nothing and I’m still fucking trying.
“Is there another way you would rather I ‘give up’? Stop manhandling me. Stop touching me. Stop. Just stop.” I thrash in his grip, trying to pull away but he holds onto me tightly. I grind my teeth together.
Tenderly, Reed pushes back my pale hair that’s fallen loose from the ponytail atop my head. “That’s better. There’s that fight in you.” He grins down at me. He thinks he’s going to chastise me into staying. Into ‘not giving up’. My life is hell here.
I’ll show him exactly how stubborn I can be. There’s still a fight in me.
I lean up, making it seem as though I’m going to whisper in his ear. He smells good. He feels good. But what I really need is a good grip on his shoulders and leverage. I do just that and it’s just enough leverage that I pull back my leg and hike it up fast and hard until I make contact with his groin.
Reed coughs above me, dropping his hold and doubling over. With a sly smile I pick my newspaper back up, taking a wide step around him.
“Yeah, that fight is still there it looks like,” Landon says, his mouth falling open with a wide smirk as he watches me walk away while his friend groans in pain.
I still got it.
Sixteen
Knox
When I think of my childhood, there is both good and bad there. I have fond memories of my father. Well, maybe not fond. I don’t particularly cherish them. But not all of them are bad.
Life isn’t all black and white. And Ronan Reyes, isn’t all bad.
Just like me.
There was a point in time I loved him and I felt like he loved me. I don’t know when that changed. Was it something that happened in a moment? No, I think it was gradual.
What did my dad see in me that repulsed him so completely? What was it that made him decide he no longer loved me? Was it something I said? A characteristic that I couldn’t hide or change? Or did love not exist within him?
Floorboards creak under foot as I pace the narrow hallway between the bedrooms. Every few seconds I glance at my phone, watching time tick away, waiting on his call. A phone call with my father is like a business meeting. It’s scheduled in advance and filled with boring information that he could have just sent me in a text.
Reed and Landon are downstairs watching some horror movie on the television and Violet is in the bedroom. Hopefully, she’s packing up her belongings as we speak. The sooner she gets out of here the better. The safer it is for her.
