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“Some things just go missing.” Like weird vegetables and squishy things. “They escape. But I’m going to keep the cereal safe.”
“That is good to know.” Daddy nodded as he started putting away the groceries. “I will watch the rest of our important items diligently.”
Shoot.
I didn’t like the sound of that.
“Would you appreciate your distraction now or is guarding the dessert masquerading as a breakfast product more worthy of your attention?” Daddy’s expression was too serious for how silly his sentence was and I started to worry he meant it.
“I’m very good at doing two things, Daddy.” Sometimes. “Just not patting my head and rubbing my tummy. You have to help with that.”
Daddy nodded as he headed out of the kitchen. “You are right, little human.”
I wasn’t sure where he was going, but then I remembered he’d brought a bag to make sure he could stay a long time. I was going to ask what was in the bag but he kept talking. “You also require help using cooking utensils and staying upright in the bathtub.”
He remembered things forever.
“It was just a little poke, Daddy.” Mayo was slippery. “And I didn’t even bump my head in the tub.”
I hadn’t gotten a lump or even a booboo.
Daddy snorted.
Daddy was so funny.
He liked human stuff like sighing and rolling his eyes too.
“I am certain you do not want to know what goes through my mind when you casually mention damaging your body, little human.” His warning tone made me sigh that time.
“You’re the best Daddy ever.” I wasn’t sure what else to say, but I really did mean it as he brought in a present.
It was wrapped and everything.
It had bears on it.
“Oh, Daddy.” I wiggled so much the cereal fell over but it was still closed so it hadn’t made a mess. “Oops. But Daddy, it’s not even my birthday.”
He shrugged as he set the present down on the table. “Natal anniversary celebrations will be appropriately revered. However, this is in honor of finding my little human mate and showing you suitable appreciation for being a good boy.”
Oh, good boys got spankings and presents.
“Thank you, Daddy.” Yes, manners. Daddy liked good boys. They got presents and he got to tell his friends how good I was too. “It’s very pretty.”
I wasn’t sure if good boys wiggled but Daddy didn’t seem to mind, so I didn’t bother sitting still.
“You are welcome, little human.” Daddy stroked my head before lowering himself on his big tentacles until we were the same height.
Magic.
“You may now open your present or continue to appreciate the appearance of the exterior if you prefer.” When he smiled and kept petting my head, I realized that meant I could open my present.
“I can open it?” Making sure I would be a good boy so I could get more presents soon, I waited until he nodded. “Thank you, Daddy.”
I wasn’t sure if good boys were careful with wrapping paper, so I was half careful and half not. Daddy smiled bigger so I must’ve got it right…and he even helped me open up the box that was inside.
For a minute I was worried it might be clothes because it was in a big white box, but Daddy was so smart. “Oh, Daddy.”
I got crayons and colored paper and a new coloring book.
“Daddy, it’s you.” Kind of.
Giggling, I opened the pages to see lots of people who looked just like Daddy doing jobs and being good helpers. “I’m going to find you, Daddy.”
As Daddy kissed my head and went back to the groceries, I searched for a Daddy in the book that was like mine. I looked for airplanes and Daddies in meetings and finally found Daddy shopping for food and smiling. “That’s going to be you, Daddy. He’s got vegetables.”
Oh, Daddy was so smart.
He even brought me lots of new people colors. There were blues and greens and all kinds of pretty colors to match their people colors. I was going to make Daddy look so good. He was a helpful Daddy and a pretty Daddy and a smart Daddy because he gave me cereal in my little bowl.
Then he started getting out lots of veggies for dinner.
There were green beans.
And I saw broccoli.
I even saw cauliflower.
I didn’t even know I had that, so I decided it was safer not to know what scary things were coming. What if Daddy didn’t know veggies need to have cheese or sauce or dip on them? No, I had a smart Daddy who’d read his taking care of humans book lots and lots.
It would be fine.
Daddy had even said he knew littles needed treats even if it wasn’t good for us.
It would be fine.
Daddy was very smart about little humans.
“Hiding your eyes will not prevent the vegetables from appearing on your plate, little human.” Daddy did another big sigh and I knew he was shaking his head but hiding seemed like a good idea.
