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“There were lots of veggies on the counter, Daddy.” And somehow, he’d even snuck the veggie dino nuggets in the cart too.
I was going to have to pay lots more attention next time because he was sneaky.
“Human littles will consume vegetables if offered in a creative and distracting presentation.” Daddy patted my head as I hid my face against my coloring book. “But you will not appreciate the visuals I have created if you continue to hide.”
Oh, shoot.
I had to appreciate Daddy or he’d get sad.
“Thank you for making them pretty for me, Daddy.” What else? “You worked really hard and you found lots of healthy stuff at the store for me, Daddy.”
He’d even found good stuff for sandwiches and had decided that I could use a spoon to spread the mayo around when he was gone. Mr. Aristotle had told Daddy that spoons were safe because I was smart enough not to do anything naughty with them.
I wasn’t sure what I could do naughty with a spoon, but I’d told Daddy that he and Mr. Aristotle were so smart and I’d be very safe.
“And thank you for letting me use the spoons, Daddy.” Yep, I should be nice about that too.
“Compromises are important.” He gave me another pat but then waited…and waited.
Daddy was so patient.
Ugh.
I lifted my head and peeked.
“Oh…” That wasn’t scary…and Daddy was right…he’d needed the little trees. “Daddy, it’s very pretty.”
Daddy had made me a mashed potato volcano with trees and boulders and logs that got knocked down by the lava and there was so much lava to dip the veggies and the dinosaurs into.
“It’s…I’ve got lava for the dinosaurs and the trees and everything.” I had sooo much lava.
“There are many helpful tutorials online about making the human food named gravy.” Daddy was looking at it like he was worried it might be slimy.
So I stuck my finger in the lava to taste it.
“It’s not slimy, Daddy.” I gave him some, and after he sighed, he licked my finger. “It’s not slimy like the mayo, Daddy. You’ll like this.”
It was just kind of sticky or slippery or something…but it wasn’t slimy.
Nope.
It was lava gravy.
And it was getting everywhere.
Wright
Cultural research must be widened to include the study of slick and mildly adhesive viscous substances in the human diet. Particular attention should be paid to answering the question of why they are considered desirable.
Chapter 14
Dane
“I don’t know how it happened, Daddy.” Somehow it was messier than mayo. “It just…it was very good.”
I tried to run my finger over the plate to find the last of the gravy, but Daddy was fast and stole the plate.
“Your curious habit of exploring every surface with your fingers is making a mess, little human.” Daddy was looking at me like I was a wiggly bug as he came back over to the table. “You are—”
“Not slimy, Daddy.”
He didn’t like slimy.
“Sticky.” He said it like it was kind of like being slimy but then he said the best words. “You need a bath.”
Bubbles!
“The directions for this project should have included several warning labels. I shall leave an educational comment on the website to help future Caretaker Dominants in their planning.” Daddy sighed and shook his head as he picked me up and held me out in front of him. “Numerous warning labels were excluded.”
“You’ll be helpful and tell them to fix it, Daddy.” And I was helpful for making sure he knew what they were missing.
We were all helpful.
“Can I have more gravy with breakfast?” Daddy held me tighter as his eyes got big, so I thought he didn’t understand. “It can go on eggs and toast and grits and maybe oatmeal?”
I wasn’t so sure about that one, so I just kept going as he carried me into the bathroom. “And biscuits. I have those in a can. And…and lots of stuff. Oh, sausage and bacon too.”
Everything would be better with gravy.
“We shall see, little human.” The way he frowned, I knew that was Daddy speak for no. “Finding more recipes will be at the top of my tasks list.”
Hmm, maybe it wasn’t a no?
“I liked your dinner, Daddy.” Looking cute seemed like a better plan than pouting. “I’d like your biscuits too.”
Or toast.
I wasn’t picky.
“I appreciate the compliments and the clear enthusiasm, my little human.” Daddy nodded like that was very important. “Yes, that is what we will focus on, your fervent praise.”
Because I was such a good boy.
Yep.
So I reached out and grabbed his face to give him a kiss. “I’m fervent to you, Daddy.”
He couldn’t seem to decide if he wanted to laugh or sigh. “I am as well, my Dane.”
That made me giggle. “I’m your little human now, Daddy.”
Laughing, Daddy shook his head. “How could I forget?”
“I don’t know.” I tried to shrug but he trapped my hands as he set me down in the bathroom. I was stuck but I didn’t forget my words. “It’s probably cause you’re smart, Daddy. You think about lots.”
