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Hudson
Shimmering shards of glass and a pool of vodka covered the marble floors. I sit in the darkness of my room on the floor, watching the city lights from below.
I’m not sure if it’s worth it to pursue Parker anymore. But I can’t let go now. Not after I pushed that idiot off the building and not after investing so much effort.
Most of the time it’s my strong impulse that drives me to do crazy things. I thought I would stay out of trouble after the past. But the trouble is always there, looming ahead.
Her diary lay on the floor in front of me. Parker’s secrets lived in those pages. It wouldn’t be the first time I took a diary, but it is the first time I’d actually been curious about its contents.
Opening the black book, I scan the first few pages which begin in late 2019 where Parker mostly speaks of her parent’s abandonment and her non-existent love life.
Dear Journal
19th October 2019
Entry 9
I feel alone all the time. It’s like I don’t exist anymore to my parents. All they want to do is drag me to outrageously rich dinner parties and throw me out there into those shark tanks of people.
They want me to be someone I’m not. I eat breakfast and lunch with them typing away on their phones. Dinner is worse. We all sit together in silence as if we’re at church.
It’s not normal and inside I’m slowly breaking apart. I can’t wait to leave Staten Island and live in Manhattan for good! Maybe I won’t be lonely anymore…
As I turn the pages, I start to read deeper into Parker’s spiralling depression.
Dear Journal
5th January 2020
Entry 10
It seems like ages since I’ve written in here. I don’t feel confident in what I want anymore. Life is just life. I go on every day thinking I’m alright when I’m not. Slowly, I feel like I’m going crazy. I need one good miracle.
I thought leaving Staten Island would be good for me. But I’m more alone than I’ve ever been.
I thought starting college would make things easier. Sure, it’s great, but there’s stiff competition to fit in and I don’t think I can do it anymore. Am I going crazy? I can’t go on…
Shutting the diary closed, I leave it aside and take a deep breath. Parker needs to be surrounded by people and love. She’s dependent on people’s attention and craves affection.
Without that, she’s all alone. Empty. Almost like me. Except for me, I don’t depend on anyone. Unless it serves me a greater purpose. It’s mostly sex, status and sometimes all a big game for me to toy with other people’s lives.
I know that I really screwed up tonight and that I would have to work get back into Parker’s good graces.
But Spring Break is coming up and I feel like now would be a good time to get her back. I know exactly how.
I swipe open my phone and speed dial my mother’s number. She answers on the third ring.
“Hey, mom could you do me a huge
favour? I was wondering if the house in Hampton Bays was available?”
38
Blake
Parker
It’s almost late noon, I realize when I glance at my phone. The rest of my creative writing class peers are busy typing away at their laptops for our screenplay project.
