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I want to snap at her, but I don’t. Instead, I lie back against my pillow and take the MacBook from her.
“Thanks, Lex, but it wasn’t that important.”
I look at the pictures of the students and immediately see Hudson’s familiar face. Hudson Saylor-Tyne. He’s wearing a large grey shirt that’s left open, a simple white t-shirt and black jeans, looking just as good as he did today. He’s a Twenty-three-year-old Senior, currently studying Law.
“Let me see if I can find all his socials,” Lex says with excitement.
She pulls up a new tab and goes into her Instagram account. Sure enough, after a quick search, his profile comes up with two thousand followers, zero follows and ten posts. His bio is empty. I assumed a guy like him would have a huge social presence online, but it’s quite the opposite.
We go into a few of his pictures and study his sharp jawline, blank expression and hauntingly alluring, cat-like eyes which makes him look very arrogant and unapproachable. His hair is mostly tousled and looks soft.
“I mean when you told me sexy, I didn’t know he was going to be out-of- this-fucking-world-sexy,” Lex tells me. “Also, he got this evil badass look going on here.”
Lex points to another picture of him again, expressionless, his eyes dark and his eyebrows arched. I can’t help but grin as we continue to go through his pictures, and deep down, I feel like I should stay away from Hudson. He’s like the bad boy that’s not trying to hide the fact that he’s a bad boy.
And something about that unnerves me.
6
Nightmares
Hudson
I am standing in front of my father, the same way I do almost every time I dream. Somehow, in the back of my mind, it registers to me that this is a nightmare, but it isn’t one that I can easily wake myself up from.
“You’re a fucking cunt!” my father shouts as he brings his fist down on me.
Over and over again, he screams in my face as he gets on top of me and punches me in the face until the blood starts flowing profusely from my nose. A metallic taste floods my mouth and the strong scent of alcohol on my father’s breath fills the air.
Through my watery vision, I can see my father’s pure, drunk anger evident in his reddened eyes. He hates me so much.
I can’t remember why I’m getting a beating this time. Sometimes he does it because he’s frustrated with work and mom and other times, he just wants to pound his large fists into my face as if he wants to kill me. I feel the anger passing between us. I feel his inability to control himself as he wraps his large hands around my neck and then the shrill cries of my mother save me as I jolt awake from the nightmare. My body is covered in a thin sheen of sweat and my breath is uneven as I try to calm myself down.
It’s just a nightmare.Fucking nightmares. I do everything to forget, but they never go away.
Looking over at the alarm clock, I see that it’s only 3:15 a.m., so I pull the sheets off of me and get out of bed before heading over into the dark living room.
I walk over to the glass window and stare out at the black, starless sky. Saylor Towers overlooks the impressive Manhattan skyline.
Millions of lights twinkle weakly in the distance as the early morning blanket of fog hovers above the city.
From where I stand, I can also see the Hudson River, and just before that is the Vessel glowing with its glorious golden light.
My mother’s obsession with naming me after the river is something I would never understand. She always tells me that it’s beautiful, but it probably holds some other significant importance to her. Whatever it is, she never tells me.
Turning away from the window, I go over to the couch and sit down. Instead of thinking back to the nightmare, I flip open my MacBook and go onto Parker’s Instagram page, searching for the guy that she was talking to the day before.
Sure enough, I find quite a few pictures with both of them together. She tagged him in all, so I press on the tags and his name pops up.Ryan Burke. How did I not see this dumb fuck?
I swipe through the pictures, anger building up inside of me as the pictures get more intimate. Ryan kisses Parker. Ryan touches her. Ryan makes her laugh.Who the fuck is he?
Parker didn’t seem too thrilled to see Ryan yesterday. She said that it was over. Maybe he’s an ex. But why are their pictures still up as if they are together?
Shutting my Mac off, I head over to the bathroom and take an ice-cold shower to numb my thoughts.
Anger.I need to keep my anger in check. It doesn’t look very good when I lose it. I know exactly how I look. Like a raving monster.A raving monster, the words play in the back of my mind.
That’s exactly what Diana had told me when I lost it in front of her. Her blue eyes were large and afraid, her body trembling as she crawled away from me.
