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Noah’s eyes wandered to Jax’s hands where they gripped the steering wheel. They sure as hell didn’t look like the kind of hands that knew how to do complicated car repairs, but he supposed that if they could play the piano as masterfully as Jax did, they could do anything their owner set his mind to. Involuntarily, his mind went to what those hands had felt like on him, and he shivered. Best not to let himself get mired in memories that would do him nogood now.
The hotel parking lot was fairly packed, but Jax managed to find a spot closer to the retaining wall that separated the property from the beach. Noah watched as another couple walked ahead of them into the building, holding hands and smiling at each other. His heart twisted with an impossible desire. He had never held hands with Jax, and suddenly that lost intimacy was threatening to undo the calm he was fightingto build.
“Noah?You okay?”
He looked up to find Jax standing next to him, eyes trained on him in curiosity. “Yeah … sorry.I’m fine.”
The entrance to the pub was separate from the hotel’s, brightly lit and inviting. Red and gold neon lights behind the glass, as well as a bright white awning, announced the establishment as The Lake and Inn, a play on the name of the hotel, Inn on the Lake. It was a gastro pub offering homier comfort food choices and fast food for clients who didn’t want the fancier French fare served in the hotel’s main restaurant, as well as the traditional service of a bar. The dimly-lit space was roughly divided into two parts … the bar and some intimate booth seating, with not enough space between them for the few drunk dancers who were stumbling around and getting in the servers’ way. Noah followed Jax to the bar, where two spots had just opened up and hiked himself up onto the stool.
Loud music poured from a jukebox in the corner close to where they sat, and a couple of customers were hoofing it to the energetic sounds coming from the old-school machine. The waiter, an older guy with a shock of red hair and piercings on each brow, earlobes, nose, and bottom lip, smiled at them as they got comfortable.
“Gentlemen, welcome to the Lake and Inn. I’m Lenny. What’s your poison thisevening?”
Jax looked over at Noah. “What would you liketo drink?”
“I’ll have the house dark brew, please.” He wanted something robust, but wasn’t up to hard liquor at the moment.
“Two house brews, please,” Jax echoed him and looked up from the menu to add, “and some loaded fries, if you still have that.”
“Coming right up.”
The bartender went off to fill their order while Noah looked around, noting that there were several people in the pub whom he knew on sight, mostly older guys who were his father’s friends and acquaintances. He had been kept so busy with his work that time at home had been brief, even under the best circumstances. Once he’d left for college, he had only come back for long breaks, especially because those were the times that his dad made sure to be home for him, until he retired and spent half his time in Florida where his family had ahomestead.
“What do you do for fun when you’re home?”
Jax’s question startled him. “Nothing much, really. Usually when I’m home I’m so tired I spend half the time asleep or just lazing around. I try to get in some swimming, though not usually in the lake … the water’s too cold, even in August, and I’m not usually home much in the summer anyway.”
“And have you been here since theaccident?”
The bartender brought their beers, two glasses, and a plate of fries loaded with gooey cheese, crispy fried onion chips, ginger sticks, and bacon bits. Noah reached for one, popping it into his mouth and closing his eyes at the deliciousness. Mmm … he could probably eat the whole plate by himself. He’d much rather eat than talk about himself, but that wasn’t how friendships were formed, so he swallowed andanswered.
“I spent some time at a friend’s while I was in active therapy. I’ve only been home a few weeks.”
“And where’s your father? How is he taking this turn of events?”
Noah knew that Jax wasn’t a fool, and that he had admired the relationship that Noah had with his dad, so he should have been expecting the question. Jax knew his dad spent the summer here so he could spend any time that Noah was free with him as well as do any maintenance on the house that was necessary before he rented it out long-term on his way back down south. When he hesitated to answer, Jax turned on his seat so his knees bumped Noah’s thigh.
“Does he know you were in an accident? And does he know what that means for your career?”
Noah sighed. “He only knows about the accident. I haven’t told him aboutthe rest.”
He could feel Jax studying him. Was he judging him? He probably thought it was a bad idea to keep it from his dad, but what was he going to say?I failed, Dad. I’m a washed-up has-been. I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life.Was he being overly dramatic? Possibly, but that was how he felt. Jax couldn’t understand what it felt like to lose your only vision of your future because there was nothing else to look forward to but the music. He was a tenured professor, had been made a distinguished professor a couple of years earlier, was still in demand and would remain so for as long as he chose to be.
“Why not?”
Noah ate a few more fries, wishing he could ignore Jax’s question. “How do I tell my dad that my dreams have been shattered, that I’m washed up, that I can’t do what I spent half my life doing anymore because I was stupid enough to get into a car with a guy who was impaired at the wheel?”
Jax’s eyes widened and the shock registering in them was a fresh blow to Noah’s heart. The only other people who knew what had happened was the driver, whose life was also forever altered, the members of the quartet, and the doctors and nurses who had looked after him while he’d been in the hospital. Not even his physical therapist knew what exactly had caused Noah to need his services. The quartet’s publicist had deemed it wisest to keep specific details out of the news, for which Noah would be eternally grateful. Now he would have someone else shaking his head in disappointment at his foolishbehavior.
“Did you know he was drunk when you decided to go with him to wherever you were going?”
Noah looked down at his beer, refusing to meet Jax’s accusing eyes. He had heard the edge in his voice as he asked thequestion.
“He wasn’t drunk. He was high.” Which didn’t make it any better, obviously, so why did he need to clarify? It wouldn’t make Jax think any better of him.
“Were you … usingas well?”
“What?” Now it was Noah’s turn to be shocked. “Is that what you think? That I fell apart so much after … after you dumped me that I took up snorting andalcohol?”
