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The food came and he watched as Jax snagged a wing and tore into it, wiping the sauce off his lips with a napkin. They were plump and moist, even after he’d cleaned them off, and when Jax’s pink tongue snuck out to catch an errant drop of the sauce, Noah’s eyes remained glued to him. His heart rate sped up, and he felt hot under his tee. What would Jax’s tongue feel like on his skin after all this time?
“Not gonnahave any?”
He looked up to find Jax watching him, his eyes full of heat and recognition, and Noah blushed. He’d been caught ogling him. He picked up the drumstick part of a wing and bit into it without replying. The less he said going forward, the better for them both. Polishing off the meat, he swallowed deep from his beer. He was already buzzed, and he hoped eating something would help to soak up the alcohol he knew he would keep drinking so he could avoid the confusion of his thoughts andfeelings.
“When does your dadcome up?”
“Next week,” Noah finally said around a mouthful of chicken. “He’ll be happy to see you. He asked about you all the time until I graduated.”
And after the breakup, that had been painful, but Noah had made sure his father never knew that anything was wrong between them, because then he would have had to explain that things had been right between them, as well. His father was nobody’s fool, and he would have seen the hurt and figured out why. So Noah had told him just enough about Jax, things everyone in the music department knew, to keep himsatisfied.
“I liked him too. He’s a good man, and he raised a great son.”
Noah emptied the beer in the glass and drained the rest of the bottle into it. He didn’t want to talk about his father. He didn’t want to talk about the accident. He didn’t want to talk about their past. Which left exactly nothing to talk about except, perhaps, the weather. And he wasn’t interested in talking about the weather, either. However, he’d been letting Jax carry the conversation so far, and it was only fair for him to bear his part of the burden. And itwasa burden, this awkward silence while Jax no doubt wondered what he had said to offend Noah or what he could say to defuse the tension.
“Are you looking to find a townhouse like the one you lived in before?”
Jax’s townhouse had been a row house on two levels with beautiful bay windows and an arching front door on a quiet, tree-lined avenue where other comfortably middle-class families raised their children in relative safety. Noah had loved visiting—the few times he had done so—and had entertained the notion that he might one day be part of that community. Maybe this wasn’t the best conversation to have, after all, but it was too late now tobackpedal.
“No. I’m looking for a house with a full basement this time, and with a lawn and enough room for a dog.”
“I have a dog.” Why did he sound so slurred? It had only been three beers.
“Yes. Klinger. I remember you telling me about him and showing me pictures. He must beold now.”
He remembers my dog’s name and how old he is? Fuck! I’m screwed.“He’s almost fifteen. Not quite as chipper as he used to be, but still a great pet.”
“Do you think I should get a German Shepherd like him? Does he do well on his ownall day?”
Jax seemed hellbent on talking about dogs now when all Noah could think of was how his lips looked wrapped around a wing bone, and how his Adam’s apple bobbled deliciously when he swallowed more water. How was he supposed to concentrate on dog facts at a timelike this?
“Depends on how much you know about dogs, I guess. If you like, we can go to the animal shelter and look at what’s available and you can talk to them about what kind of dogyou want.”
Just what he didn’t need … more time alone with Jax. They could be friendly without being in each other’s pockets all the time. But three beers made him loose-lipped and he’d just ordered another to cover his increasing nerves. He was sure he could feel Jax’s disapproval, but he just snagged another piece of chicken and bitinto it.
“When would you be able to gowith me?”
“I’ll text you.”Once I manage the hangover I’m sure I’ll have in the morning.
Someone approached the jukebox and dropped coins in. The soft strains of a love song poured out, and an older couple stood up to dance to the music, swaying without much movement in the same spot. The sight made Noah smile. The pub wasn’t meant for dancing, but no one cared if people were so touched by the tunes that they made room to move.
“Do you still like to godancing?”
Jax’s question interrupted his musing. He thought about it for a second. “I haven’t been out clubbing since the quartet’s schedule started filling up. There’s just not been time.”
That was an excuse, and he knew it. The other guys in the group all had partners whom they went out with, and Noah had hated being the seventh wheel, always the one with no date. And even when he managed to find someone to go home with, it wasn’t the same thing. He wanted more than hookups, and now, in his boozy clarity, he could admit to himself that he wanted someone he knew he would never have. Someone who was currently looking at him with something too close to pity in his eyes. Fuck that! He didn’t need anyone’s pity. There was nothing wrong with wanting something more than going to a club wouldgive him.
“So you didn’t have any fun while you worked? That also doesn’t sound like you. How did you relax? You used to love going out with your friends and having a good time.”
“Didyouspend a lot of time tripping the light fantastic while you were working your way up the ladder of success, Prof?” He didn’t bother to keep the sarcasm out of his tone, aware that he hadn’t answered thequestion.
“I didn’t give up enjoying myself completely when things got busier than normal. I had people to help me keep a balance. Sounds like your friends let the ball drop there.”
Noah sighed. Jax didn’t know the other guys in the quartet so he couldn’t know how wrong he was, and Noah hated that he had put them in abad light.
“It wasn’t their fault. I just wasn’t interested, after a while. They had people to be with, and I was … well, I didn’t. It got old being the odd man out all the time, and hookups lost their appeal as well, after a while. It was just easier to avoidall that.”
If Jax hadn’t been feeling sorry for him before, there was nothing to stop him from doing that any longer. How pathetic was all that? The beer was not only making him overshare, but it was also making him look like a loser.Poor me! I don’t have a boyfriend!He needed to leave before this pity party got any sappier. He ignored the dribble of beer that ran down his chin to his neck when he raised the bottle to his lips and emptied the contents down his throat. He was leaving now anyway, so it didn’t matter if he got a little sloppy.
