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Noah dragged him all the way back around in a surprising show of strength and stepped into his personal space.
“Don’t you care, even a little bit, about what we used to have together? About what we could have had before…?” He stopped, then spoke again, this time not hiding the pain. “Am I the only one who’s been fighting against old feelings, Jax? Did I mean so little to you back then? Was I really just imagining it?”
Dammit!“Noah, I don’t think we should start something else again now, a decade after we last saw each other, unless it’s for the right reasons. Renewing a relationship just because we’re allowed to nowisn’tthe rightreason.”
“So you’re prepared to just let it go? You’re not gonna fight for more? You’re just gonna leave me, again?”
How the hell am I supposed to answer that?“I won’t do anything that you’re not interested in doing, Noah. If you want us to be friends, I need to know that. If you want more, I need to know that too. I’m not a mind reader any more than you are, and I’ve already told you that I’m not going to make any assumptions. I’m too oldfor that.”
Noah let go of his arm and turned away. Jax saw his shoulders lift, then fall before he turned back and said, “That doesn’t sound like a ringing endorsement of a relationship between us, so I guess I’ve got my answer. Maybe you should ask Jim to help you find placesto visit.”
What the fuck?Jax’s patience disappeared. He grabbed Noah by the wrist and did what he’d been wanting to do for a week. He pulled him close and took his lips in a kiss that he couldn’t keep from being just this side of brutal, because it was pent up with frustration and desire and need. His blood sang with a fiery hunger that Noah’s response echoed, their tongues searching for more than a simple kiss would give them. He didn’t care that they were out in the open where anyone could see them. He suspected Noah didn’t either. Zero to a hundred in seconds, the way it had always been between them.
Lightning still sizzled in Jax’s veins, a fire banked, barely contained, the kiss a poor substitute for all that swirled in his heart to do with the man he held in his arms. Everything he wanted, every pleasure he desired, every beat of his heart still belonged to Noah, would forever belong to him. He had always known that, even when he denied it most vehemently. But his hunger, unsatisfied, left him starving now for things he could not have without a change. And change was a fearsome, ravenous beast. Jax dragged his lips away, hauling in a deep, centering breath beforespeaking.
“The last time I made a decision for the two of us, we didn’t look back when we walked away. This time, when we walk away, I need you to know that the decision for what happens next is all yours.”
He let him go then and stepped away. This time, Noah didn’tstop him.
Chapter 11
Noah
He had to choose which pain hewas most
willing to endure for the prize he desired.
“Why are you moping around like a lost puppy,mijo? What’s going onwith you?”
Noah stood up to clear away the breakfast things, words churning in his mind but stalling on his tongue. There was so much happening with him that he didn’t even have a handle on it himself, so how was he supposed to explain it to his dad? Maybe he should start with the easier issue? Easier … if it weren’t so painful, he would laugh at the word. He sighed instead.
“I won’t be playing with the quartet any longer,Papi.”
There … he’d said the dreaded words. He waited for the pain to swamp him, but nothing happened. It hurt for sure, but not in the way it had been for the last six months. Apparently digging up his one and only real relationship had eclipsed even the loss of what he had thought would be his life’s career. When his father said nothing in response, Noah turned to look at himproperly.
“Come and sit down,” Alvaro said after a minute. “The dishes can wait.” He waited until Noah was seated across from him again before continuing. “I suppose this is because of theaccident?”
Noah nodded. “Even with therapy and daily exercises, I will never have full range of motion in my hand again, and playing for long periods of time is very painful. I can’t handle the long hours of practice or the grueling tour schedulesanymore.”
“Will you be unable to perform at all?” His father’s eyes grew shadowed with sadness for him, but not pity,thank God.
“Not for a full concert, no. Maybe a solo piece, but even those would need to be fairly short. You remember when I was in middle and high school and played solo pieces? It would be like I was in high school again.”
Alvaro reached for his hand across the table. “Lo siento, mijo! I know how much it pains your heart to say those words. You must grieve this loss as you would any other. And then, when you are ready, you must move on. You will know what to do when the time is right, when the heartis eased.”
Noah squeezed his father’s hand in appreciation for his solidarity. No questions, no recriminations, not even a concern for how he would make a living going forward. His father gave him what he needed in the moment, and he was more grateful than he knew howto say it.
“Gracias,Papi. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you as soon asI knew.”
Shame swept through him as he realized that his father was never the one who would be in any way disappointed in him. It was his own disappointment with himself that had colored his decision to hide the news from his father. His own devastation and despair had pushed him into making a poor decision, and when he looked into his father’s eyes as he apologized, he saw the disappointment in them as well. He had let him down, because he hadn’t trusted him to have his back as he had done allhis life.
“When did you begin to mistrust me, Noah? What did I do toearn it?”
Noah tried to pull his hand away, but Alvaro held on, strong despite his advanced years. He would need to confess the whole truth about this debacle. His father did not deserve to bear any guilt in the matter.
“You didn’t,Papi. That was all on me. I should have told you, but I was embarrassed. I couldn’t bear the thought of you thinking less of me because of my poor decision-making.”
His father released his hand and sat back in his chair, his eyes assessing his son. “Were you driving the vehicle when the accidenthappened?”
