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“No, someone else was.”
The one thing he would never share with his dad was that he’d only met the man an hour earlier, and that they’d been headed off to fuck each other when ithappened.
“Yet it sounds like you are blaming yourself for whathappened.”
His father had never been slow on the uptake. “We shouldn’t have gone out that late after leaving the bar. We weren’t drunk, but…” He paused, searching for a good way to say what he had to say. “Someone had drugged him, but he didn’t know, and it only began to take effect after we were inthe car.”
Alarm showed on Alvaro’s face, but he said nothing for a moment, as though he needed the time to absorb the shock. Then he spoke. “So it was an accident because of a third person. You could not have known that, Noah, unless you were the one who drugged him. And since I know you didn’t, you must let it go.”
Another long pause, while Noah said nothing. What else was there to say? His father was right, after all.
“Now, tell methe rest.”
Noah’s eyes shot up to his father’s face, his brow creasing in confusion. “The rest?”
Alvaro smiled as though he knew a secret. Noah’s heart began a heavier rhythm inhis chest.
“It is not just the bad news about your work that has you looking like an eagle with its wings clipped,mijo. There is something else weighing you down. I cannot help you if you hide things from me.” His smile turned smug.
“I…”
What the hell was he to say? He had never told his father about him and Jax, and though the older man had asked him every year when he was going to introduce him to his man, Noah had always denied having anyone. And it had been true. He hadn’t been in a long-term relationship with anyone after Jax, so he’d never brought a boyfriend home.
“Do you remember that Christmas concert that you played at the college in your junior year? You played two solo pieces and were the principal violin for the orchestra. Remember that night?”
Noah remembered it vividly. He had been overjoyed that his father had been able to make it, that he had seen him perform … and that he’d been able to introduce him to Jax. He looked into his dad’s eyes again and saw knowledge and understanding alongside his amusement. Did he know? How the helldidhe know? Was he angry? He knew his dad could hide his emotions and reactions when hewanted to.
“Yes, I remember it. It was a great night,” he answered truthfully, keeping his tone neutral. “Why?”
“It was really good to see your professor again after all these years.”
The abrupt change of subject had Noah searching his father’s face to try to understand what was going through his mind. Only a smile showed, kind and understanding, as wellas amused.
“I thought you might like to see him again since he’s in the neighborhood. But why did you ask if I remembered theconcert?”
He wasn’t going to let that go. He had to know what was on his father’s mind before he panicked. His dad had known he was gay even before he’d come out to him, and his admission had been met with a hug and a demand for another beer. So he knew objectively that Alvaro wouldn’t be surprised if he admitted to feelings for Jax. Noah just didn’t know if he would approve.
“He seemed uneasy, though he tried to disguise it. And you were on edge as well. Why did you have them over if you weren’t comfortable in theircompany?”
Fuck! This wasn’t going to be an easier conversation than the last one because now they were talking about the elephant in the room … Jackson Knox, former lover.
“I wasn’t exactly uncomfortable,” he began, words escaping his brain like rats from a sinking ship. “It’s just … it’s been ten years since I graduated, and we haven’t been in touch in all that time. It was just a bit awkward that’s all.”
Alvaro sat forward, placing his elbows on the table and clasping his hands under his chin, his eyes still trained on his son.
“That concert night was the last time I saw him, and after that, you never talked about him. I was surprised, because you seemed to get along with him so well before. And now you tell me you didn’t keep in touch. Again, I have to ask, why?” He raised a forefinger to silence him before Noah could answer. “Just so you know, I think you have another confession to make, one that has been a long time coming.”
Noah sighed. Should he quibble, or should he just come clean? His dad was like the FBI when he got wind of something, and even though he never played his hand until he had to, you always knew he had something up his sleeve. And you always knew he wouldn’t give up until he got the answer to his question. It was just how he was.
“There’s nothing to confess now,Papi,”he began.
Strictly speaking, he wasn’t lying. He and Jax weren’t in a relationship. In fact, after last night, and despite that hot-as-hell kiss, they were probably really over for good, unless he could get his shit together and stop acting like a damn teenager. Jax had made it clear that the next move was his. He was just paralyzed by fear of the unknown. He’d never been in any relationship either before or after Jax, and he didn’t know the moves. A cresting wave of panic, which his father’s next comment did nothing to contain, threatened the calm he was trying to project.
“Ah, but what about before now?”
How had he missed the fact that his father had guessed that something was going on between him and Jax? They had never talked about Jax aside from when he and Noah had worked together. And after the breakup, they hadn’t talked about him at all, though his dad asked about him every time Noah went home. And once he told him that Jax wasn’t his tutor anymore, even those seemingly innocent questions had stopped. But had they really been innocent, or had his father been gently trying to get him to come clean?
What harm would there be in rehashing the story to the one man he had trusted his whole life? Alvaro was wise enough to know when to speak and when to be silent. He wouldn’t offer unsolicited advice, but that didn’t mean Noah shouldn’t ask … if only he could figure out thequestions.
