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“She was.” Pride colored his father’s words, pride and an ineffable sadness that Noah could almost feel from across the table. “By the time she was twenty-four, she had a degree and two jobs. We wanted to buy a house, because by then she knew she could trust me with her heart. But to do that, we would need to leave Washington.”
“That’s how you endedup here?”
“Yes. We spent almost two years trying to find a place we would feel comfortable in, a place where I wouldn’t worry about her when I wasn’t with her.” He paused, drinking more of his coffee. “It was not easy to be her husband without the comfort of her body in those first years. But I knew what I wanted with her was more than the pleasures of the flesh. And I knew when she saw me for who I was, she would reward me withher love.”
The smile that lit up his face was almost blinding. Noah had never seen his father like this before. Is that what love did to a man? Did it make him shine like the sun? Did it make every painful memory still one to be treasured? Suddenly, he understood why his father was telling him the story he had kept to himself for all these years. He had to decide what he wanted from a partner and whether he was prepared for that person to be the man who had broken his heart once before. He had to choose which pain he was most willing to endure for the prize he desired.
“For two years, we were lovers, partners, friends, and when you were born two years later, we were also parents. And then your mama was killed by a drunkdriver.”
Noah’s heart stuttered at those words. His father had never told him exactly how his mother had died, just that she had been gone since he was two years old. She had been so young when she died … two years younger than his thirty-two years. He felt wounded, as though she had just been killed this instant. He supposed, for him, she had been. Why hadn’t he asked before? He had taken her absence for granted and felt shame now at the thought of it.
His father was still speaking. “I have been tempted by a few special people since Isabella’s death to fill the hole she left behind, but I couldn’t. I did not have the strength or the will to take a second chance. And though my memories of her are bright and unforgettable, they do not warm me at night, and I have grown too used to living with the fear of losing again.” Alvaro sat forward once more, his hands flat on the table between them. “Don’t make my mistake,mijo. Don’t be afraid of a second chance.”
Noah reached out to touch his father’s hands. “I am sorry for your loss,Papi, and for the pain you still bear. I am sorry that I never asked about my mother, that I let you bear this burden of grief alone.”
“My grief was never yours to bear, my son.” Alvaro squeezed Noah’s hands, a sad smile on his face. “But there is always room for love. If you still love this professor of yours, you must make a way to get whatever it is you want with him before it is too late. He is getting older and more settled in his ways, and most likely more afraid to risk a change that may cause him pain. You have it within your power to stop him from ending up where I have been stranded these many years. You are still here, alive, and well. Do not let this second chance pass you by.”
Chapter 12
Jax
Jax had told him that the next movewas his,
so now he’d have to be tough enough to wait.
“Good morning, Dr. Knox. Mary Morgan here. We spoke briefly about your housing needs two weeks ago. You left a message yesterday that you were ready to come up to look at some prospects.”
“Yes, good morning, Ms. Morgan. Thanks for returningmy call.”
“I’ve lined up three homes for you to visit, but you should know that one of them is a townhouse condominium unit. I know that that’s not your first choice, but it is close to the campus and is below your price point. Also, one of them is a rent-to-own property. I thought you might be interested in that one since it sits on a lake and your closest neighbor is a quarter mile away on your left. You’d have no neighbors on your right, though there is construction happening the same distance to the right.”
Jax appreciated the agent’s attention to his needs, so even though he was almost certain he wasn’t going to choose the condominium, he decided he’d give it a fair shake.
“I’d like to see the condominium first and the rent-to-own property last, if that’s convenient.”
“Certainly. I can make those arrangements immediately. I’ll call you back to let you know the date and time to meet me. We’ll meet at the first site. I’ll send you directions to that. I’ll speak with you soon, Dr. Knox.”
After she rang off, Jax sat back in the chair at the desk he was seated at and stared out the window at the boys, who were playing stickball in the backyard with their friends. Jim’s lot was larger than most of the others on the street, and because it was also a corner lot, it had that extra give, so he often hosted some of the younger neighborhood boys on lazy summer days likethis one.
Annie was doing a lot of going back and forth from her bedroom to the nursery. Jim said she was nesting, which made her sound like a bird to Jax, but he didn’t comment. Jim had gone into the office today to get some much-needed paperwork done that could only be handled in person. He said he’d be late, which was fine with Jax. Anything to stop him from obsessing over that kiss that he’d planted on Noah three nights before was more than welcome.
What the hell had possessed him to do a thing like that? He wasn’t a green boy; he was a grown-assed man in full control of his impulses. Except for that night apparently. And then to run away like a coward … pitiful! He wouldn’t be at all surprised if Noah never spoke to him again, even if his response had had Jax shaking in his running shoes and hardening painfully in his sweatpants. Just because Noah seemed to enjoy the kiss didn’t mean that Jax should have crossedthat line.
Sighing, he moved on to the next item on his To Do list … responding to the head of the music department regarding his proposed schedule. Jax really didn’t care who they gave him as students, as long as they didn’t change any of the duties required of him as a distinguished professor. And he wanted his weekends free, except for performances. The book he’d just finished working on was with the editor, and the college already knew its contents. He was looking forward to becoming part of the performance team at the college, more than ready to accustom himself to the culture and to the academic climate in general.
He opened up his laptop and found the email, letting the professor know he’d be in town in a day or two if she cared to meet him in person to go over the details. Then he answered the friend whom he had left in Rochester to let him know that as soon as he had a place of his own, he was invited for a visit. Dan Vogel had befriended him from the first day of his tenure at the university, and that friendship was still going strong after fourteen years.
The only thing that Dan didn’t know about Jax was that he’d had a student as a lover for six months. Happily single at sixty, Dan had often tried to set Jax up with what he called “suitable men” but they had all been staid and unimaginative. Thankfully, Dan had given it up after the issue with Jax’s pushy wannabe boyfriend got to be unbearable.
Once the note was sent, he called his mother.“Hi, Mom.”
“Jax!” His name was a joyful sound in her voice. “I’m so glad you called. I’ve been thinking about you. How are you, honey?”
“I’m good, Mom. How are you? I’m sorry I haven’t called before.”
“Well, you’ve called now and that’s all thatmatters.”
The warmth and delight in her voice told Jax she meant everything she’d said. Relief filled his chest with an answering warmth as she continuedto speak.
