AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I shake my head. My chest is hurting so much that for a moment I wonder whether the coronary I foretold earlier has actually come to pass. But it’s just my throat muscles clenching, locked in a spasm of grief that I fight to hold in.
I don’t know whether she truly meant that, or if she said it to make both of us feel better. It must be the latter? Surely I’m not the only one here who’s fallen in love?
I look into her eyes. They plead with me not to say it. And they shine with all the emotion she’s trying to hold in.
Clearly, I’m not the only one.
There is no obvious solution. The path ahead is blocked by brambles, and I can’t see my way clear. I can’t control this situation, any more than I could control what happened with Christian. For the first time in years, panic rises inside me at my impotence, a word no man ever wants to encounter.
I take a deep, shaky breath, and blow it out slowly. Alice has feelings for me, and I need to take consolation from that, and hope that the way ahead will become clear. For once, I’m going to have to have faith.
Faith, hope, and love. I guess I do still believe in something.
“Come here,” I say.
I tug the duvet around us as our skin begins to cool, and just hold her as the stars wheel across the sky. Eventually she falls asleep, but I lie awake a lot longer, my brain like a computer that’s been charged with a problem, unable to shut down until it’s solved.
*
I don’t get a lot of sleep, and I’m not much closer to solving the issue by morning. I make her tea and toast and take it to her in bed, and then we shower together, which inevitably ends in gentle lovemaking, as it’s impossible to be that close to her with her skin all hot and slippery and not get turned on.
But even though I would be prepared to form my own debating society and argue the point, I have to accept that all good things come to an end, and by eight a.m. I’m driving her to the airport in my Merc. She offered to catch an Uber, but I want to make the most of the last few minutes she’s here.
It’s raining, which seems appropriate, considering my mood. When we get to the airport, I park across from the domestic terminal, and we sit there for a moment, watching the rain running down the windscreen.
“Don’t come in,” she says. “I couldn’t bear it.” Her bottom lip trembles.
I raise her hand to my lips and kiss her fingers.
She lifts her chin. “I’ve had a fantastic time. Thank you so much. You’re a wonderful guy, and it’s been such fun.”
I look out of the window, at the rain clouds overhead. I want to take her back home and chain her to my bed. Lock the front door so she can’t leave. Force her to promise to see me again. But I remind myself that I need to have faith, and that I need to let her go, and hope that, like a homing pigeon, she’ll find her way back to me.
I turn my gaze back to her and unclip my seatbelt. Take off my glasses and slide my hand to the back of her head. Then I lean forward and kiss her.
She returns it, and I can feel her relief that I’m not going to argue with her. I won’t get my way by sheer force of will. I’m going to have to find another route.
Eventually, I lift my head and brush my thumb across her bottom lip. “Let me know when you get home safe.”
She swallows. “I shouldn’t. We should just make the break now.”
My throat tightens. “Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m not going to stop talking to you just because it’s hard for you. I love being with you, and making love to you, but we’re friends first and lovers second. I have to accept that you’re leaving. Don’t take your friendship away from me as well.”
*
Alice
Kip’s voice breaks, right at the end. Rain dances on the windscreen, and the light that comes through it casts a reflection of the rivulets over his face. It makes it look as if he’s crying. He’s not, but I can see he’s very emotional.
We sit silently for a moment, just listening to the rain. Although I know it would still be incredibly hard, in the long run it would be easier for me if we parted now, and we agreed not to talk again.
But looking at him, it’s impossible not to think back to last night, and that moment when he trembled with passion because he wanted me so badly. I don’t want to lose him either. And I can’t bring myself to insist.
“All right,” I say softly. “I’ll message you later.”
The relief on his face almost makes me cry. “Thank you,” he says, and he kisses me again.
“I’d better go now.” I give him a quick hug, then get out of the car, pulling the hood of my jacket up over my hair.
