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“B-but…” she stutters, “what about you and Kip?”
“We’ll work something out.”
Her eyes grow hard. “You mean you’re going to tell him it’s over between you?”
I look at the table. “He’ll understand.”
“What the fuck!” Her eyes blaze. “No, he won’t. He loves you, and you love him. You absolutely are not going to tell him that.”
“Yes, I am. You deserve to have this,” I tell her desperately. “I want you to have it all—love, marriage, and children.”
“Because you don’t deserve it? Come on, you’ve given everything up for me. School, university, and dating.”
“She gave it up for me, not you,” Mum adds quietly, but we both ignore her.
“I’m the oldest,” I reply, “and I wanted to do it for you.”
“And I appreciate every single thing you’ve done with all my heart, but you’ve done enough. I can’t let you continue to sacrifice your life for me, Alice. It’s my turn to give something back to you.”
“No.” Unable to continue sitting for some reason, I push my chair back and get to my feet. “I can’t go and have a wonderful life with Kip knowing that you’ve given up being with Jake for me!”
“And you think I can do it the other way around?” She looks at me incredulously. “How can I go to Auckland with Jake, knowing you’re not seeing the love of your life because of me?”
“Stop it, stop it!” Mum’s yell cuts through our argument, and we both stare at her, shocked. “I can’t bear it,” she screams. “I can’t bear the two of you arguing over who’s going to give up their future because of me. I don’t want it to be like this! How can I live with myself if either of you miss out on the chance of what I had with your father because of my fucking illness?”
It’s the first time either of us have ever heard her swear, and we stare at her in shock.
And then she puts her face in her hands and burst into tears, and at that point I’m sure I can actually hear my heart fracture in two.
All three of us are crying now, because life is shit. Mum is never going to be well again. No fairy godmother is going to swoop in, wave her wand, and make all our problems disappear.
Charlie isn’t going to just let me make this sacrifice, and I don’t want her to make it for me, either. I couldn’t live with myself if she lost Jake over this. And now we’ve upset Mum, which is the last thing either of us wanted. I hate that she feels like a burden.
Oh God. How can I make everything all right?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kip
Even though it’s Sunday, I’ve been at work this morning, trying to clear the decks ready for Alice’s visit tomorrow.
I’m in a strange mood—a mixture of excitement at the thought of spending some serious time with her, and frustration from issues at work. The integration of the software with Genica’s hardware isn’t going as well as I’d hoped. The software is sound, but they’re having trouble getting the voice synthesizer to sync with it, and it’s giving us all a major headache. Jack Evans wants me to change a part of the software to fit his hardware, but so far I’ve balked at the significant amount of work that’ll involve. I’ve taken a long time to get MOTHER to a state where I feel she’s ready for integration, and I’m reluctant to change it now.
Add to that the fact that Craig’s lawyers have started legal proceedings for his claim of wrongful termination, and my irritability levels are higher than usual. I definitely need some Alice time, and the ability to work off my frustration with some serious sex. I hope she’s prepared, because I’m considering handcuffing her to the bed for five days.
Tired and a little cranky, I leave the office and head home. I’ve got a few hours to myself, and then I’m heading over to my parents’ house because they’re having a small party to celebrate the birth of Saxon and Catie’s twins.
I throw on a tee and some track pants, and text Alice.You around for a chat?
Usually, she comes back within five minutes at the most. Today, though, the phone is still silent fifteen minutes later.
Thinking that maybe she’s in the middle of an interview, although she’d told me her last one before she comes down was yesterday, I fix myself a sandwich, crack open a beer, open a book, then end up dozing for half an hour. When I wake, the only message is from my cousin, Kennedy, asking what time I’m getting there tonight.
I text back, telling her that Damon’s picking me up at five, then bring up the text I sent Alice to check it went. It did, and I purse my lips.
I’m not the kind of guy who expects the girl to be at his beck and call, and who gets annoyed if she doesn’t respond immediately. It’s not that. I have a strange niggling feeling in my stomach that something’s awry. I don’t know why, though, and, cross with myself, I go into the room I’ve set up as a gym and work out, lifting weights, rowing, and then running for a solid half an hour.
After that I text her again, then have a shower, neaten my beard, trim my nails, and get dressed for the evening in a casual shirt and jeans.
