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I lead the way out to the deck, and we sit in the afternoon sunshine.
He has a mouthful of coffee, slides down in the chair a bit, and rests his head on the back. Then he exhales in a long sigh.
“Where are you staying?” I ask.
“In the Richmond Hotel for now.”
“Have you seen Chloe?”
He nods. “I looked after Sammy for the afternoon a couple of days ago, so she could have a break.”
“How is she doing?”
He shrugs.
I inhale and blow out a long breath. We’ve been through a lot together. Maybe not as much as I have with Saxon and Damon, but I took Craig out for a drink after his mother died, I talked to him a lot about his sister when she was in rehab, I’ve gotten drunk with him when he’s been miserable about his father, and he bullied me into going out with him when Lesley went to Australia. It hurts to think of how he turned on me and the firm we built up together. Walking out on Kingpinz can’t have been an easy decision, and it makes me wonder how much of a part Renée played in that. I’m not saying I understand, exactly, but we’ve all done crazy things for love.
“I want to apologize,” I say.
His eyebrows rise—he didn’t expect that. “What for?”
I think about my reply. “For if I made you feel shut out of the decision making at the company at any stage.”
The truth is that Saxon, Damon, and I are directors and thus the only ones who deal with the board and make the major decisions. But Craig and Marama are part of the senior leadership team, and we all tend to discuss issues about the company, whether it’s the staff or the projects.
His reasons for choosing Sunrise were unethical, but it doesn’t change the fact that he felt I made the decision without him.
“I made the decision to go with Genica,” I continue, “because I thought their hardware would more easily integrate with MOTHER and we’d be able to get the product out more quickly. In actual fact, we’ve run into some problems, and I’m not sure it’s necessarily going to be quicker or easier to produce than it would have been with Sunrise or any of the other companies we looked into. But it wasn’t the only reason I chose them. I also thought Jack Evans’ work ethic fitted better with the way we work. I still do.”
I lean forward, elbows on my knees. “At our meeting in November, when we discussed the various companies, I was aware that you and Marama favored Sunrise. But Saxon and I thought Genica was the best option, and Damon eventually agreed, and the fact that it was three to two was the reason why I didn’t bring it up again, or ask for an official vote. But maybe I should have done. Whatever the reasons behind your choice, you should have had the chance to discuss it in more detail rather than be blindsided, and I’m sorry for that, if nothing else.”
He blinks. Looks away, out at the view. And then his chin trembles and, to my shock, his eyes gleam and he presses a fist to his mouth, fighting his obvious emotion.
“Craig,” I say gently, puzzled and worried, “what the hell’s going on? I thought we were friends. Why didn’t you tell me you were having trouble with Chloe?”
“It’s not easy admitting your faults to Mr. Perfect,” he says, attempting humor as he wipes beneath his eyes.
“Dude, I’m so far from perfect it’s not even funny. My girlfriend’s just broken up with me. And last night I punched Saxon and almost broke his nose.”
“Seriously? He gave you that black eye?”
“Yeah. I was a dick to him and deserved worse. So, like I said, nowhere near perfect.”
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Things hadn’t been great with Chloe for a while, but I know you adore her, and I didn’t think you’d see things from my point of view.”
“I like her, yeah, she’s a great girl. But nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. I wouldn’t have judged.” I have strong opinions about things like cheating, but I do my best not to be judgmental most of the time.
He sighs again, and then the words just start flowing. “I guess I was ashamed of myself for not making the break with her earlier. I stayed with her because, well, it’s what good guys do, and I thought I was a good guy. But I wasn’t happy, mainly in the bedroom. When we were first together, we had sex a lot, but she’s always been very vanilla. I hadn’t been with many girls before I met her, though, and guys don’t talk about this kind of thing, so you don’t know what other people’s relationships are like, right? Over the last few years, I’ve tried to suggest we give a few things a go, but she wasn’t willing to try anything. She called me dirty and disgusting, and I thought I must be, you know? So I stopped asking and tried to be happy with what I had. And then she wanted a baby, and I wasn’t against having kids, and I thought maybe it might put things right between us and stop me feeling so restless. So we started trying. We’d been trying for a few months, and then I met Renée at the conference in Auckland. Dude, I can’t explain that moment when our eyes met, it was electric. And I know it makes me weak, and I’m ashamed of myself, but when she asked me back to her room, I just couldn’t say no. And it was amazing. She was far more experienced than me, and willing to try everything I suggested. I was completely mesmerized. I’d have done anything for her at that point. Anything.”
He speaks simply, and gives me a resigned, sad smile. I don’t say anything, because I have no idea what to say. I don’t condone the way he’s treated Chloe. I don’t like people who cheat, or who aren’t willing to work through their problems. But I’m not a saint. Relationships do break down, and when you’re in the middle of things, sometimes it’s impossible to see the sky, because you’re too busy looking at all the obstacles on the ground.
And sex is such a tricky issue. I would think it’s very unusual to meet someone whose sex drive and likes and dislikes completely match your own. I would imagine it’s common to have one person want it more, or to want to be more adventurous. And I’ve read enough threads on the Marriage subreddit to know how many settle, only to have to fight dissatisfaction later in life.
It makes me think of Alice, and how she’d only just dipped her toe in sexy waters before she was ripped away from me. I don’t know how compatible we would be if we were to stay together, but I suspect we have a lot more in common than most couples.
There’ll be time to think about Alice later. For now, Craig is talking again, seemingly unable to stop now he’s started.
“When I went home from that conference,” he continues, “I didn’t plan to continue seeing her. I thought it was just a fling. But then I found out she lived in Wellington, and she contacted me and said she wanted to see me again. And I just couldn’t keep away from her. I went to her place, and it was amazing again, and I went home that day determined to end things with Chloe. I walked in with the words ‘it’s over’ ready on my lips, and before I could say anything, she told me she was pregnant.”
