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As I step into the small archive room, a magic-fueled lantern flickers on. The stillness of the dim space wraps around me.
I inhale the scent of dust and old paper, and even though I don’t have any answers yet, a little of the tension in me unwinds. I’ve never been in this room on my own before, but I can’t imagine finding much more peace anywhere on campus than I’ve got here.
I sink into one of the chairs and pull my legs up to hug them against my chest. Resting my forehead on my knees, I close my eyes.
I will get through this. I’ve gotten through so much else before.
And with my magic’s increasingly intense efforts to punish me, I doubt I’ll be around much longer for any trouble I get into to matter anyway.
I have some choice over what happens to me. I don’t evenhaveto explain.
If I say I don’t want to see the medics, what are the men going to do? Drag me kicking and screaming through the halls?
The thought doesn’t reassure me as much as I’d like. Partly because I’m not entirely sure the answer is no.
I hug my legs tighter, a lump filling my throat.
I don’t want to have to fight them. Even if they care more about my usefulness to Julita than my own well-being, theyhavelooked out for me.
I can admit that it’s been almost… nice, being a part of this little group, aside from the impending divine doom we’re struggling to prevent.
Who would ever have imagined—
“Ivy?”
At the gentle voice, my head snaps up.
Casimir is standing in the doorway to the rest of the archives, a scroll in one hand. The smile I suspect leapt to his face at the sight of me falters as he takes in my expression.
I was too startled to put on a show. By the time I’ve plastered a smile on my own face, Casimir’s brow has knit.
He walks to the desk to set down the scroll and then moves to my side. He doesn’t ask what I’m doing down here so early or why I’m upset, only, “Do you want to talk about it?”
The respect offered by the question makes the lump in my throat expand. Tears I didn’t know I had in me prick at the backs of my eyes.
I will them away and swallow thickly. “Not particularly. I thought no one else would be here.”
Casimir’s mouth slants at an apologetic angle. “I remembered hearing about a tournament that was held here several years ago, with people using their gifts. I thought I’d check if there was any mention in the records of wind-based talents, since that line of inquiry hasn’t turned up anything yet. Didn’t want to waste everyone else’s time if I got nowhere with it.”
I glance at the scroll. “Didyou find anything?”
“I haven’t had a chance to look yet. But that can wait. It was a last-ditch effort anyway.”
He pauses. “You don’t have to talk. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you’d prefer. But I’d be happy to sit with you and see if company could be a little better than total solitude.”
My next smile is a lot smaller, but I mean this one.
Only with Casimir, I think I might appreciate the company. I wasn’t getting very far on my own anyway.
He holds out his hand and leads me into the adjoining room, over to the settee I noticed before. Casimir sweeps the books scattered across the cushions into a stack he sets on the floor. Then he sits at one end, leaving the rest of the space for me.
As I sink onto the other end, he slips his hand around mine again. Gingerly, so I can tell he’d release me in an instant if I pulled.
Looking down at our interlocked fingers resting at the edge of my dress, an unexpected wave of emotion swells inside me.
I said I didn’t want to talk, but it feels as if my only options are letting out words or tears. So I go with words, my gaze still on our hands rather than Casimir’s face.
“This isn’t my life. I was never meant to be here. I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
